I! Quit!

Despite vague threats to quit watching America's Next Top Model, I was unable to do so, partly justifying my guilty-pleasure television watching by pointing out its hypocrisies in this public forum for all (all five of you) to read! Can we not all learn from the mistakes of Tyra?

Spoiler Alert
So, last night the big event was that, when told that she "was still in the running to be America's Next Top Model", Ebony said actually, she wasn't interested, and would rather go home. Tyra's eyes turned into ice and then she said "nothing is more unattractive to me than a quiter" and sent her on her merry way.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'm a big fan of quiting. I've got no problem walking away from something that's not going to work out, or wearing down my soul. I'm not saying I'll quit over something small, but I'm no Sisyphus. According to Ebony, she didn't think she wanted to be a model after all, and she missed her family, and she made a choice to go home. Tyra said it was more likely that she didn't like taking criticism and pulled out the "quiter" accusation.

It's very likely that Ebony didn't like taking criticism - not many people do. Being told on national television week after week that your eyes are "dead" or you're "uninspiring" definitely fits in the "wearing down your soul" category.

I learned a rather late into my undergraduate theatre degree that I couldn't really handle rejection. To be an actor or a model or in any "auditioning" career - where you put your work out and have it judged by strangers who give the thumbs up or thumbs down in a matter of moments - requires an incredibly thick skin. I knew I didn't have it, and I didn't really want to change my personality to get it.

I applaud Ebony for recognizing that she wasn't where she wanted to be and walking away from it. I think it's a perfectly reasonable reaction to the stresses of the ANTM environment (or ANY reality show).

There's always a big reaction when someone leaves a reality show of their own free will (How could they give up the chance to win all that money/live in that house/be a model?), but she was clearly uncomfortable and knew what her limits were. I'm sorry for her that leaving the show was framed as shameful with that "quiter" rebuke chasing after her. (I'm sure I don't have to remind you that what she was "quiting" was one of the more insidious industries in the world, responsible for breaking down the self esteem of women everywhere, eating disorders, and the support of the idea that women are decorative objects, the sum of their appearances.)

I found a way to have theatre in my life on my terms - I go to plays, I write, I take an acting class when I want to, and I've never regretted my decision to quit auditioning, because I did what was right for me.

Travellin' Shoes

Today I made some bags for shoes - a concept that needed explaining to a certain husband more than once. (When you go on vacation, see, you wanna put your shoes in a separate bag so they don't touch your clothes and get them all shoe-y.) These bags are (would have been) extremely easy to make (if a certain sewing machine weren't possessed by the devil).
Directions:

• Make a little bag, approx. 13" x 10", with a slip for a ribbon to gather the top
  
• Scream obscenities the likes of which perhaps no sewing machine has heard before
  
• Add an iron-on transfer of a shoe (just so there's no confusion)

Iron-on's are very easy, you just print them out on the special paper (available at office and computer stores) on any printer and iron it on - done!

Insert funny headline

Last week I read (what I thought was) the most hilarious Onion headline of all time: Cost Of Freedom At All-Time High, until I just checked in with them and found: It Only Tuesday. (Oh, if only I had posted this yesterday, it would have been that much funnier...)

I'm terrible at coming up with titles. When I finished my thesis, my advisor told me I needed (to paraphrase) a kickass title. I sent him about 10 variations and we decided on Color and Artistic Identity: Whistler, Van Gogh, and Yellow. Not bad, I guess. Now it seems likely that I'm going to teach a class in the spring on Contemporary Women Artists, and I have been informed that I should come up with a good title. Which came as a disappointment to me, because I was pretty much hoping we could go with Contemporary Women Artists. This is the only lame-ass stuff I could come up with:

You've Come a Long Way, Baby: Cont. Women Artists
Paintin' and Sculptin' in a Man's World
Great Women Artists? Let's See!

Help!!!!

Bad Kitty!

Last week my cousin told me that my hometown's famous Fall Foliage Festival was happening, so I convinced M that we must go back to Indiana for the parade - and my grandma's yearly post-parade party under the carport, to play some euchre. Unfortunately, Thursday, I took Kaya out in the yard for our daily supervised Outside Time, and Sugundo, the neighbor's (second) cat was in the garden (M. claims that he probably doesn't differentiate between "our" yard and "his" yard, although, if you ask me, Segundo clearly prefers "our" yard) and Kaya saw him and went absolutely crazy. It was like Wild Kingdom. So, I separated the cats and shoo-ed Segundo back to "his" yard, then I tried to pick Kaya up and carry her back inside, when she bit and scratched the living hell out of me. Bled all over my new shirt. Cursed and yelled at her, then sheepishly looked around to see if neighbors saw me. Hand began to swell.

Anyway, I went to my Dr. on Friday and she gave me antibiotics to ward off infection and dreaded Cat Scratch Fever, and then I picked up M and we headed down to Indiana. The problem is, antibiotics almost always make me really sick, so by the time we got there, I was starting to feel pretty icky, got worse Sat. (at which point it looked like half an egg had been slipped under my skin), until, suffering through dinner at my brother's house on Sat. night, my mom made a call to the pharm. on my behalf which went something like this:

...was bitten by her cat...
antibiotics causing explosive-
( -Does anyone want more pizza?)
...It's severe...
Severe!

Needless to say, did not make it to the Fall Foliage Festival or the parade or my grandma's party. On plus side may have lost a few pounds and my hand is starting to heal.

Relations between Kaya and me are slightly strained - we will not be having Outside Time today.

TV I love (and love to hate)

ITEM! Beauty and the Geek is the best reality show I've seen in a while (where are you, Project Runway?) and America's Next Top Model is making me feel really, really dirty. In last night's show was the usual maelstrom of breaking down young women with the "your personality is wrong"s to the "your eyes are dead"s. I feel like I oughta stop watching it, because, fundamentally, it goes against everything I'm opposed to (well, one of the things. I am fundamentally opposed to many things.) but, it's often hilarious and occasionally (occasionally!) enlightening. Last night, for example, I learned a lot about weaves. I should stop watching it, though, right? I mean, if want to watch hilarious things and occasionally enlightening things, I can always find that in the (technically) adult beauties and geeks of Beauty and the Geek, rather than in the immature and exploited, 95 pound, 18 year old girl. Thoughts?

Pushing Daisies is off to a really great start - I love the fairy-tale-ish atmosphere - for me it's like Wes Anderson meets Lemony Snicket (the movie). Last night, there was even a musical number - "Hopelessly Devoted To You!" I'm IN. All in. Miss it?

I like lists

I was kind of going crazy because I couldn't find my favorite lipstick (well, I mean, who wears lipSTICK anymore? It was a lipSTAIN.) so I went though all my bags and cleaned them out. I found:

8 lipthings
$1.45 in change
3 barrettes
6 mints
various candies and snacks (I've got a blood-sugar-thing)
4 rechargeable batteries, uncharged
2 CTA passes (unknown value)
a bunch of paperclips for some reason
2 small bottles of lotion
2 packets of antibacterial wipes
2 tampons
1 nail file
4 matchbooks
more unidentifiable pills than I care to admit

Darjeeling Limited

Wes Anderson's already the kind of director that you discuss when you sit around with your friends, asking each other, "What's your favorite Wes Anderson movie?" For me it's probably Bottle Rocket, and I wonder where The Darjeeling Limited is going to fit in people's list.

It's the story of three brothers (Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Adrian Brody) taking a "spiritual journey" across India on a train called the Darjeeling Limited. With Anderson's customary eye for detail, "Darjeeling Limited" adorns everything from table cloths to pajamas. The constraints of shooting in a small space - train cars - is quite similar to his last film, The Life Aquatic, which primarily takes place on a ship at sea. The combination of the fascinating details and the tight shots make for a pretty amazing visual experience, but it's the character development and the strong performances by the three main actors that round out the movie.

Like Hotel Chevalier, the companion short, or "part 1" of The Darjeeling Limited (apparently the short was meant to have been played in theatres before the movie but due to some cock up with Fox, it didn't happen. You're encouraged to watch it before going to the theatre), the audience is given few clues about the character's lives - sometimes they reveal themselves slowly, sometimes not. I love this type of subtle film-making, which places a lot of trust in the audience, instead of banging them over the head with obvious exposition.

I've read some criticism that the film lacks emotional resonance, but I think that's exactly the point - the three brothers are so disconnected from their own emotions and from each other, and taking the difficult steps to reconciliation.

What do YOU do all day?

It is not unusual for some annoying jackhole to approach me, in the course of my day, and ask, with a sneer, "What do you DO all day?" Of all my daily humiliations, most notably not being recognized and financially rewarded for my brilliance, this is perhaps the most insulting. Especially because I do what just about all Working Stiffs do, namely surf the net and look for a job.

However, I do have the time to photograph myself wearing all my shoes, and then make a poster of said shoes, thereby easing my whole toilette by at least making choosing the most perfect shoe outrageously easy: I get dressed, I look at my shoe poster, and voila! I remember that the adorable wool kitten heel with black velvet piping is in a box in the closet! Why does she remain unemployed?, you ask, When she is clearly a genius?

In case you're wondering: 43.

Hotel Chevalier

If you're jumping around on one leg trying not to pee your pants until Wes Anderson's new movie comes out (like me), download the free companion short, Hotel Chevalier, from ITunes (starring Jason Schwartzman and Natalie Portman.)

The Princess Club

As part of our nine-year-anniversary celebrations last week we saw The Princess Club at Redmoon Theatre. I was darn excited about this show because, as the faithful reader knows, this insane princess-phenom terrifies me.

Redmoon's Princess Club - a collaborate creation by the director and actors - is an insightful look into the inconsistencies and hypocrisies of the "princess" ideal. They tackle an incredibly wide range of issues of Girl Culture, from the virgin/whore image, the sweet/bitchy personality, the impact of dolls on young women, to the overwhelming pressure of body shape, conformity, and reliance on a successful marriage for true completion.

OMG! It was like they made a play just for ME!

The ensemble of five women created an incredibly physical play, and there is little dialogue - they primarily use a repetition of words and phrases like, "Seriously" and "You guys" that take on a variety of meanings. The severity of language reminded me of a my own awful years as a teenager, and the bizarre love/hate relationship I had with too many of my girl friends, the kinds of relationships that I try to avoid in my adult life, but I think a lot of women still run into - myself included. The characters in the play mock each other, gang up on each other, punish each other and less often vaguely praise and support each other.

They address issues of girl culture both old and new - using the plotlines of a variety of fairy tales as well as more contemporary examples - the Britneys and Lindsays who crack under the pressure to maintain a facade of perfection. It's hardly a wonder that the girls "go wild" in our culture of inconsistencies - be sexy! Stay pure! Attract a man! But don't be a slut! Be sweet, be pretty, be thin! But healthy!

One of the most wonderful things about The Princess Club is that the creators put so much faith in their audience. Widely open to interpretation (for example, whether the characters are dolls or women or actual princesses is up to you to decide) you can get as much out of this play as you put into it. And it's guaranteed to open a dialogue (or continue one, in the case of my family) on the challenges that face women and girls today.

through Oct. 7

The children are the future, or, what's on?

I lost a lot of faith in today's youth after watching a few shows from the fall season, especially the season premiere of America's Next Top Model. I mean, even vapid, skinny 18 year olds should have learned this important lesson by now: Do NOT, under any circumstances, let Tyra Banks take you into international waters.

It's not their fault, people like this idiot insist on procreating. And at least 40 parents sent off their precious little 8-15 year old angels to Kid Nation, AFTER signing a contract that reads, among other things:


God help me if I didn't watch Kid Nation, and, what a surprise - it turns out kids on reality shows are just as annoying as adults on reality shows, although with slightly better vocabularies. How hilarious was it when they showed the little suckers that gold star and they went crazy? And the Seacrest was like, "No, it's REAL GOLD, it's worth twenty thousand dollars." And the kids were like, "Ooooooohhhh." They could have just given them little gold stickers and they would have been happy. Watching Kid Nation made me feel even more dirty than ANTM, but less dirty than Gossip Girl, which has the vague potential of being my new Veronica Mars.

9 Years!

M. and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary yesterday (can you believe it?)! You know how much I enjoy Before and Afters:

September 19, 1998
September 19, 2007

Our Living Room

Finally got a rug for the living room and now consider that room finished! Thank you, IKEA, for your inexpensive and 100% wool rugs! There's not much more fun than a Before and After picture, is there?

Before (front window):
I took these pics from different perspectives - our bookcases are where the previous owner's dresser was. The best feature: Kaya!

Before (side wall):

And After:
We got that green chair at a garage sale in SF for like $5. It literally looked like they it had been pulled out of a swamp. M. didn't want to bring it home, much less put it in our car, but I convinced him it had great style. I doused it in bleach, scrubbed and hosed it down. Now it's M. and Kaya's favorite chair and I can't convince either one of them to get rid of it. I like grouping photos together. There's a portrait of M. drawn by a robotic armed computer in San Jose, a couple-self-portrait of me and M. at the Tate, a pic of M.'s young granny with her sax, and two portraits of Kaya from friends.

Before (far end of living room):

And After:

I was fairly thrilled to see that Kanye West's new album was designed by Takashi Murakami - that's his litho hanging over our couch. The West album even uses the image from our print, Homage to Francis Bacon, Study of Isabel Rawsthorne - wee! I think the value just went up.

Illinois, I've got your number.

Illinois, I've just about had it with you! First a bunch of gd anti-choice protesters show up at a new Planned Parenthood in Aurora, attempting to close the center and deny women access to health care...

sign this petition to show your support of the center

...and every day I keep hearing about how my commute is going to get WORSE if the CTA budget is not dramatically increased. It's hard to imagine any commute WORSE than the one I'm currently subjected to every time I go downtown.

contact state legislators to increase funding.

In other depressing news, we went to M.'s grandma's over the weekend. Her health is failing and she's very frightened and in pain and with few choices. It was frustrating, because it doesn't seem like there's much we can do for her.

Hmmm... must. show. something. good... how about...?

Autumnal Musings

Last weekend at the farmers market, we saw pumpkins, and I said, "What? It's fall now?" We went from 80 degrees one day to desperately looking for sweaters and hats the next. Nevertheless, after working up a little bit of a sweat doing some yard work yesterday, I decided to take one more dip in the lake and headed over to the beach. It was deserted aside from a few folks huddled in blankets on the shore. Ignoring signs that said NO SWIMMING! I charged into the water - which must have been about 40 degrees. I was fah-REEZING. But, oddly, after a while it almost felt warm. M. said I was probably getting hypothermia.

In other news, I've been amusing myself all week imagining General Patreaus defending all kinds of debacles, such as my continued unemployment (previous post), Britney's performance at the VMAs, the CTA... and, on the bright side, WHAT A RELIEF to hear his "report" on Iraq. I mean, I thought things were a mess over there, but it turns out EVERYTHING'S FINE.

ANYwho, while I was working on my yard yesterday, a landscape designer passed down the sidewalk and we chatted about the dismal state of affairs Right In My Own Front Yard. She had a nice way of framing why my yard looked like hell - she said, rather, certain things "weren't thriving" because they were in the wrong zone or needed more sun. Here's my plan for next spring - if any gardeners out there have any advice, or see that I'm wrongly zoned, or these aren't good shade plants, by all means, please let me know!

Petraeus Report on Kelly's Employment Status

"Members of the blogger community, thank you for the opportunity to address you today. Please keep in mind that my forthcoming comments on the status of Kelly's employment is meant to inform, not drive, her future actions. It is my recommendation that following the recent surge of job applications that a reduction in applications would serve to strengthen her jobless position. I suggest setting a no-later-than date of sometime next year, at which point she will most likely have a job, although that job will most likely be at McDonalds, or, with any luck, a Starbucks. In the meantime, it is my recommendation that we look on the bright side of Kelly's Employment Status, focusing on the vast amounts of high quality television programing she has access to every day. Reports of her extreme loneliness and growing hopelessness have been overly hyped and are, in any event, premature assessments of the situation. The reality is that she has a graduate degree in Art History and if you will turn your attention to the chart, you will see that it is fairly likely that a job will be landed at some point before she dies, based on reports from some people.
It should also be noted that she has had several interviews in the past year and has logged hundreds of volunteer hours at one of the finest art institutions in the counter-job zone. The outward failure of these endeavours indicates that she should rather focus operations on housecleaning, yard maintenance and photo book management, while giving credit to the significant sacrifices of a certain husband. It is also necessary to assess the very real danger of Kelly finding full-time employment whereby feelings of self-worth and added income will only lead to a sense of satisfaction and personal fulfillment. Finally, it should be noted that Kelly's problems will require a long-term effort, with no easy solutions, and everyone should be understanding of her despite her complete and utter failure in this arena. Thank you. No questions."

I like letters

Check out Spell with Flickr!

What's In My Garden?!?

A couple of Cicada Killers have built burrows in our yard, and M. and I have been watching them and marvelling at them. At first we noticed these rather large holes next to the walkway in the back - we thought they were from a snake or something. The hole is large, like the size of a silver dollar, and there's a big chute and dirt piled up all around. (I didn't take these pictures, but that's what ours look like). They're really big and scary looking, but supposedly harmless - except to cicadas! I was going to take a picture of one of the nests today, but I noticed the hole was partly covered up, but, after a little research, I figured out what had happened. The female paralyses a cicada and drags it down into the nest. (We've been telling really dumb jokes about being stung and dragged into the nest ourselves.) Then she lays an egg on it, then she leaves and covers up the hole (that's what I saw), then I guess she goes off and dies. Then, the egg hatches, the larva Cicada Killer wakes up and eats the cicada (ALIVE!) then it spins a cocoon, chills out for the winter and we go through the whole thing next summer.

Crazy, huh? And GROSS! Right?!? But, we're living and letting live, you know? Most of the stuff we've read says not to try to get rid of them, because they help balance the cicada pop. I feel kinda bad for them because we never had the ballyhooed 17 Year Cicadas.

What's in My Garden?

Just as I suspected, our Cup Plant has grown to over 10 feet tall and is now reaching out to kill us all. Beware!

I believe this is Goldenrod, right?

Now it's time to play: Weed or Plant?Anybody know what these two are?


Check it out: the newest addition to our garden is a pool the perfect size for a raft and one extremely lazy person (moi!). I love nothing better than laying on a raft all day. Although I haven't been able to use it much due to a nasty ear infection, the paw prints on the edge lead me to believe that other creatures are enjoying it.

In case you're interested, I discuss the differences in the American and British versions of the Harry Potter books on my book blog.

There was a big storm yesterday afternoon and our power went out! It was out for about 24 hours. I had a hard time trying to decide whether I wanted to pretend to be a Pioneer Woman or a Jane Austin-Type. I settled on "old-timey woman" and got a big thrill out of walking around with candles. Suffering from severe internet withdraw, I wrote a letter to my cousin and attempted to read. Turns out: candles don't really provide that much light. Here's my living room...