Wednesday, August 26, 2015

There's Bears in the Pool


What I love the most about this video is how the underlying subtext of both the Mama in the pool and the Mama in the window is Will You Idiots Give Me Two Seconds of Fucking Peace? Poor Mama Grizzly holds her cub’s head in both her gigantic paws and does that thing bears do where they seem like they’re going to bite your entire face off: Will you! Just. Quit. HANGING on me. Meanwhile Mama in the window’s eye rolls couldn’t be more obvious even though we never see her face. Her toddler is freaking out: There’s BEARS in the POOL! and whining: ONE IS EATING MY CAAAAAR. The dog’s barking, the husband’s disgruntled: Well, that’s it! The pool’s done for the summa. Moma in the window is like: It’s fine. Let them play. Will you! Just.

I thought this was all happening in like, northern Canada, but it turns out it’s fricking NEW JERSEY (I hear it in the Dad’s accent now). I guess it’s true that flora and fauna will quickly take over after we leave this Earth. There’ll only be the rare survivor of the apocalypse to whine about bears swimming in our pools and sleeping in our beds and eating our porridge.

Mama in the window is trying to enjoy the, I mean, really quite astounding visage of another mother relaxing in her pool - just like we do, leaning against the edge, resting her arms on the ledge and chucking out all the extraneous detritus. She just watches as bears ransack her already ransacked yard and dirty her already dirty pool. Her children are crying and whining about their domestic goods, her husband flips out and leaves (where did he go? I mean, WHAT is more interesting than 6 bears frolicking in your own corner of the world?) She only shows the slightest dismay that her expensive floaty is getting ripped to shreds by baby bears. She’s more afraid the Mama Bear will eat the chlorine or electrocute herself. Utterly sure the cubs will be fine - they’ll follow where their mother goes and she will protect them, that much is clear, just as her own cubs are perfectly fine in their suburban home one hour’s drive from Manhattan, separated by a fence from a wilderness full of bears.

Anyway, summer IS over and what a dramatic ending: THERE’S BEARS IN THE POOL! My own realization was no less shocking as I rode my bike to the beach for my last possible weekend day there and stepped into the 50 degree waters of Lake Michigan. It was like looking out my back window and seeing bears swimming in my proverbial pool. Summer IS OVER, y’all. Get out your sweaters, hide your kids, hide your floatie, hide your porridge. There’s bears in the pool.



Monday, August 24, 2015

me, riding my bike to work


Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Stuff I'm watching

I'm a die-hard Tom Cruise fan from way back.  Nothing shatters my loyalty, not the couch-jumping or the Scientology or anything.  Mission Impossible 5 (or whatever) is a fine addition to the MI movies, not as good as the first one or the last one but certainly not as bad as the second or the third one.  There's this new, beautiful (Impossibly beautiful!?!) actress named Rebecca Ferguson that does this nifty trick where she jumps up around a dude's neck and like, thighs him to death or something.  Jesus Christ if I could do that...

 Then there's the weird fact that Tom Cruise did that whole HANGING OFF A PLANE BIT FOR REALZ.  So what if he had a couple of safety harnesses OMG?????


I'm also watching True Detective which I really love but can hardly understand AT ALL.  I'm currently reading recaps to figure it out but if anyone knows WTF is going on, please let me know.