old news: The Martian

I saw The Martian when it came out a few weeks ago, and wanted to write about it, but had a hard time putting it into words until I saw this by the great Sarah Mccarry (her blog is The Rejectionist) who writes, "who doesn’t love space, idiots is who, but what was missing from that movie for me was a sense of wonder, of joy, of holy shit guys we’re on Mars, look at the crazy nonsense human beings get up to for absolutely no reason: art, poetry, flying around in spaceships, discovering the secrets of the universe. For a movie in which things are constantly happening there is next to no interiority, so little joy or emotional truth, and so ultimately it’s boring."  Yes.  So much yes.

I liked The Martian but it sort of felt like a morality tale that was basically: When something bad happens, just figure out how to resolve it and get through it, dummy.  Which, whatever, that's fine.  That's a fine lesson for school children but is it a great movie?  Not really.  The whole time I'm wondering, doesn't Matt Damon have a family on Earth?  That he misses or even thinks about occasionally?  He's supposed to be out there alone for 3 years or whatever.  And even if he doesn't have anyone, why does he want to live anyway?  Like, take Gravity, an amazing movie - Sandra Bullock's daughter is dead, all joy is lost from her life, for some reason she goes to space, everything goes to shit, but you see her decide: Actually, I do want to live!  Simple - "emotional truth" that's exciting and beautiful and touching.

Anyway, this guy gets stuck on Mars by himself in a kind of Home Alone situation, and so he's like, I'd better start growing potatoes in my own shit pronto, and at the end of the movie, in case you didn't get it, (spoiler: he makes it) he talks to a group of incoming astronauts and says You Gotta Work the Problem.  And that's the point of the whole movie, I guess?

In other Mars news, many of my friends have been raving about a book called Red Rising, about a miner that lives on Mars.  So far, I really like it, although it was all too obvious the beautiful, passionate, 16 year old wife was not going to make it, and, what a surprise: she gets killed (didn't work the problem).

Cinderella

When I was in LA, I went to see Cinderella with my sister and nephew.  I love going to the movies with my sister and I love going to the movies in LA. Cinderella is a beautiful movie to look at, but, unfortunately there's nothing new about the story - it's pretty faithful to the 1950 cartoon.  A major theme is that you should "have courage and be kind." I don't have much beef with the advice to "have courage" but "be kind" is pretty rotten advice to give a girl.  By being "kind", Cinderella allows herself to become a slave to her step-mother and sisters and only gets out of it by being overheard singing sweetly in her attic prison.  Telling girls, especially, to smile through their pain and suffering lest they make someone else uncomfortable is a 1950's attitude and frankly, a horrid message to put out there in friggin' 2015.

I guess one minor improvement was that the prince actually recognizes her at the end of the movie without going through the humiliation of trying on a shoe to prove her identity.  That always bothered me.  I mean, NO OTHER WOMAN IN THE VILLAGE WORE A FUCKING SIZE 8.5?  Also, does anyone else think the act of Cinderella putting on the shoe is a kind of a gross expression of hetero-normative behavior?

I do.  Perfect fit, etc.? An example of Cinderella's purity and virginity? Whereby the phallic symbol slides into the glistening precious vessel thus proving ultimate ownership?  

Anywho, the aside from the just awful representations of gendered behavior, etc, the movie was pretty much straight up Costume Porn, which, I'll admit, I like very much.  There's this very strange bit, however, when Cinderella's homely yet lovingly made dress is discarded/morphed into her gown.  In the 1950's version, it looks like this:

In Branagh's version, the fairy godmother sends her into what my sister aptly called a "dress-gasm" whereby she spun and spun and spun and ooh, she's still spinning because that dress just feels sooo good.

I will only mention that the glass slippers appear to have no less than a four inch heel and then I will slowly shake my head.

My favorite costumes were worn by the great Cate Blanchett and the two stepsisters, hilariously played by Sophie McShera (Downton Abbey) and Holliday Grainger (The Borgias).  

 The fabric in the sister's dresses is slightly sheer.  Blanchett's hat and skirt... I can't even.

I wish we had seen more of these dresses in the movie - they were so crazy fabulous. The scene below was quite funny - the sisters in these bonkers cages and undergarments fighting over lavalieres.

This is the wedding dress, which you just get a glimpse of in the movie.  It's sort of ridiculous and old fashioned but also I can't stop looking at it?  I love it and hate it just like Angelina's wedding dress.

And, finally, this is what Cinderella wore to the ... premiere.  Those pockets!  I mean, you can't put anything in there but your hands, but!

Edge of Tomorrow

Over the weekend we saw The Edge of Tomorrow, starring Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt.  It was So. Good.  I highly recommend it.  It's one of those movies that's kind of better if you don't know that much about it, so I will not summarize.  It turns out it's based on a Japanese novella called All You Need is Kill.  What a title.  M doesn't like Tom Cruise but my love for him is eternal and everlasting.  I got so excited about Tom Cruise I watched Mission Impossible III on Sunday, pausing half-way through to browse the internet for pictures of Tom Cruise and Suri.  Then for a bizarre 20 minutes or so I fantasized I was Suri and Tom Cruise was my dad and he held me in his strong, powerful arms and protected me from the glare of the paparazzi.   I'm not proud of that.  Then I put Far and Away in my netflix queue - another fact of which I am not proud.

On Sunday night M and I watched Her, which I also thought was wonderful.  It really got me to thinking about consciousness and the body and I suppose I need to read some Alan Watts to follow up on all of that.

Right now I'm in Utah at a conference and I can't quite seem to get over the exhaustion of travel.  I am So. Tired.  Also it's really cold here.  But, it's awfully pretty.

Grand Budapest Hotel

M & I saw The Grand Budapest Hotel after it came out - I thought it was perfectly marvelous and would like to watch it again and again. I thought practically every scene was a visual treat and I loved loved loved watching Ralph Fiennes in his role as Monsieur Gustave. I haven't enjoyed Fiennes so much since The English Patient, which I have seen precisely 274 times. I particularly liked the scenes that took place in small settings, like the elevator or the train car or a jail cell (spoiler?). Those reminded me of sets from The Darjeeling Limited, one of my favorite Wes Anderson movies.

Exterior shots of the hotel were very charming - like this one of the hotel sitting at the top of this craggy mountain.  The movie also brings the opportunity to use, in common parlance, the word "funicular", which one otherwise has rare occasion to do.  I had similar feelings about the movie Noah, which brought about a wave (GET IT?) of reviewers utilizing the wonderful word "antediluvian."  

So, I read that Anderson "more or less" plagiarized Austrian writer Stefan Zweig.  I'd never heard of Zweig - apparently he's quite popular in Europe - so I checked out a couple of books from the library. I checked them out with great happiness because the books were small and charming and I thought I was on the verge of a great discovery.  Zweig is a bit of a tragic character - he managed to get out of Austria in 1934 but near the end of WWII he and his wife committed double-suicide in Brazil.  Anyway, I start reading what I think it going to be a charming set of short stories, but, the three that I read ended in suicide and were depressing as hell, as you might imagine.  

He does do this thing which is sort of old-fashioned in literature now which is to tell the story through a third party, like, I met this person on a boat and they told me this story about this other guy they knew that went like this... I could probably write more intelligently about this if I had gotten a worthless literature degree instead of a worthless art history degree. In any event, Anderson certainly captures that quality in the movie by framing it in several layers.  It gives it a very fairy tale quality.

Noah!

I can't believe there's a movie about Noah with Russell Crowe and Hermione in it.  Part of me wants to see it, even though I think it will be really stupid.  To me, one of the most interesting parts of the whole Noah story happens after the flood's over and isn't generally covered in Bible School.  What happens is, Noah builds a vineyard, and one day he gets really drunk and gets naked for some reason.  Then, one of his sons, Ham, comes in and laughs at him.  This painting is by Giovanni Bellini, I think it's pretty funny because you can see Ham (in the middle) laughing like a little bitch.  

Ham goes and gets his two brothers to show them, but they do this weird business where they back into the room and cover him, and then back out again.

James Tissot "lalala we don't see anything"

Then Noah wakes up, gets mad, and curses Ham's son, for some reason.

Gustave Dore - Overreact much?

I learned this whole story when I studied art history - The Drunkenness of Noah has been a popular subject for artists.  Some scholars (and artists) assumed that some improprieties took place while Noah was passed out drunk, which seems fairly likely, as drunkenness and nakedness goes.

What I find interesting is that, while this appendix to the story of Noah is mostly unknown today, it was a very popular subject through the ages.  Here's a scene on a panel from the famous bronze doors of the Florence Baptistry, by Ghiberti:

And here it is by Michelangelo on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel: 

This last one is not famous, but I love the look on everyone's faces.  Ham's like, "Isn't this great?  Dad's drunk and naked!" and the brothers are all, "Oh, for Chrissake, pull yourself together."

Luini Bernadino

 I wonder if all this will be in the movie?

Girlish fantasies

I had a nice weekend, hanging out with M, going to the beach Sat. and Sunday.  On friday we saw Wolverine, which kind of ridiculous.  I love going to the movies so much that I'll basically see whatever M wants to see (why did I give him option of Wolverine or the new Woody Allen movie?).  We also saw Pacific Rim a few weeks ago.  Both movies were basically pointless and sort of a 12-year-old boy's fantasy.  But, we still had a pretty good time.  Wolverine really made me laugh, what with those muttonchops and everything.  I also started thinking, how come you never see movies made by women that're a 12-year-old GIRL's fantasy?  I figure 12-year-old me and also thirty-mumble me would probably make the same fantasy movie:

INTERIOR - MORNING.

1. Wake up in a pile of soft puppies!
2. Snuggle with puppies.  
3. Go for a long walk with Orlando Bloom through the forest holding hands (he's dressed as Legolas, I'm dressed as a fairy princess.)
4. Spend afternoon going through my closet with Tim Gunn while he tells me everything I wear looks fabulous!
5. Ride a unicorn through the sky.

FADE TO BLACK.

Bling Ring

I saw the Bling Ring after it came out and have been obsessed with it ever since.  I'm a big Sophia Coppola fan from way back (I may be the only person in the universe who actually liked her in the Godfather III).  The Bling Ring is based on a Vanity Fair article turned book - The Subjects Wore Louboutins.  It's about these dumb kids that stole from a bunch of celebrities in LA.  One of the things I really loved about the movie was how it captures this rather particular LA motif, one that was also quite evident in her less well-received Somewhere which was, yes, very very boring but carefully so.  In fact,  a motif in Coppola's work is this exploration of how people behave or react when they have nothing to do.  This movie definitely reminded me of Somewhere due to the LA connection, but more than anything it reminded me of her Marie Antoinette.

What's really fun about the Bling Ring is watching Emma Watson break out of her Hermione role a bit and do things like this...

My god, that girl is so funny.  There's this hilarious line where she says, "I want to lead a huge charity organization. I want to lead a country, for all I know." Which Watson says in this spot on accent that made our whole theatre erupt in laughter.  Turns out the actual thief-girl ACTUALLY said that.  

The kids who break into these houses obviously are driven by this materialistic excess - they feel entitled to this stuff - they might think it came easily to Paris Hilton, so why shouldn't it come easily to me?  Repeat visits and the way they linger in the homes indicates a greater desire, however. That by lingering in their houses, going in and out almost as they please, they can imagine that they were friends with these celebrities - not just that, actually become the person themselves.  

I'm only mildly embarrassed to say that I also engage in a little celebrity obsession and spent a fair amount of time wondering what Sofia Coppola's experience is like - I mean, you'd think someone like her, the daughter of a famous director with untold resources would actually be the last person to be able to shine an objective eye on the world of celebrity and wealth.  Although, while I was (harmlessly?) cyber-stalking this movie, I happened across this rather telling picture that seems to indicate that somehow S. Coppola is more immune to the trappings of fame and wealth than other  people in similar situations.

I have to give PH a little credit though... there are these pillows with her face on them in the movie (scenes in her house were shot in her home), and I found an article where she says, "Those pillows with my face on it were actually a present from my girlfriend for my birthday, and I just thought they were so funny and hilarious." (via)  And now I totally want pillows with my face on them.

Well, I thought the movie was fantastic - I encourage you to check it out and let me know what you think too!  Here's an interview with Nancy Jo Sales, the author of the article, about the movie and the book.

Movies

I've been watching a ridick amount of tv and movies because my stoopid foot still hurts like hell (and it's still hurting!)  Last weekend we watched a dumb movie called The Invasion.  It was not good, even though it has Nicole Kidman AND Daniel Craig in it AND they kiss.  We also watched that Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie, Looper.   It's full of holes and Joseph Gordon-Levitt wears a prosthetic nose to look like a young Bruce Willis which seems to take away from his very Gordon-Levittness.  Also he wears a frankly alarming color of lip stain.  There wasn't really any kissing.  

I finally got around to watching Ab Fab and it was... absolutely fabulous.  (I don't believe anyone's ever made that joke before...)  Now have desire to hold my mouth in bizarre way and call people darling.  And take up smoking. Again.

Oh, good lord... I watched Compliance on Netflix streaming and it shook me to my very core!  Know Your Rights!

Last night I finally got around to watching The Americans - a new tv show where Felicity is like a Russian Spy or something?  I never really watched Felicity but that's who she'll always be to me.  Is she believable as a Russian doing a perfect American accent who occasionally brutally kills people with her bare hands then has weird we-just-killed-a-dude-sex with her arranged-spy-husband in the back seat of their car?  I guess so.  Also it takes place in the 80s and she wears high waisted Guess jeans.  So.  There's that.  

The Hobbit

We went to see the Hobbit tonight.  Would have gone opening night, I'm sure, but I had my foot surgery that day and this was my first big adventure out of the house in more than a week!  Whew!  Was it worth it?  Uhm....

First of all, we saw what I believe was meant to be the optimal viewing experience: XD, ReadD 3D, & the High Frame Rate.  Supposedly Peter Jackson thinks the 48 frames per second thing is the best way to view the film, but I thought it was really disconcerting and looked completely awful.  It distracted me through the entire movie.  It was like a shitty sitcom from the '80s.  I felt like I was watching fekking Fraggle Rock.  The other Lord of the Rings movies, which I grew to love, were fun to watch the first time around for a non-fangirl like myself because the films were so absolutely gorgeous!  Moody and rich - I mean, the first peak at Rivendell was so exciting, right?  But, honestly, it looks like utter shitballs in the Hobbit.  Like, in the previous movies, I really loved Bilboe's house?  But, it just looked like crap in this HFR nonsense.  So, if you haven't seen it yet, I beg you to not see it in this version.  Also, the 3D is worthless - there's just like one second where it kind of looks like a flaming pinecone gets tossed at your face, and that's it.  It's not even fun when the eagles fly around.

Otherwise, I hate to say, I didn't love it.  I think they're mostly Tolkien's fault... like, does every goddamn scene have to end with a deus ex machina with that guy?  It's like, Oh, Crap! We're surely done for now!  Nope, there's Gandolf coming over the fuckin' horizon with the rising sun!  Nope, there's a bunch of goddamn eagles to glide everybody carefully to a safe resting place!

I read the book, oh 20mumble years ago and don't remember it that well, but moi's husband is something of a Hobbit/LoTR expert.  His quibbles were based more on what Jackson added to the movie - surely to stretch it out to the eventual NINE HOUR TOTAL VIEWING TIME.  I mean, it's like a 200 page book, come on.  He did seem to like the songs, though.  Also, M spied one Bret McKenzie in a non-ironic Elf role.  I thought I spied Lee Pace as a non-speaking elf (wtf?) and was so busy noticing during the credits that it was indeed Lee Pace that I missed Benedict Cumberbatch's name!  I tell ya, the Pie Man shows up in the weirdest places.  So, we go to IMDB to find out who the heck B.C. played, and get this!  He played the "Necromancer" which is literally just like, no kidding, a SHADOW in the movie.  Like, a CGI ghost shadow that I don't even think said anything!  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

so that's what he looks like without a beard...

Breaking Dawn 2 - Major Spoilers, no kidding

On Friday I saw Breaking Dawn, Pt. 2 (the final Twilight movie!) with some girl friends.  We got to the theatre/bar early so we could properly prepare for the experience.  This movie was totally bonkers, y'all.    I'm going to drop some crazy-town spoilers, so seriously don't read this if you are going to see the movie.  I mean, if you're slightly interested, invite your best gal pals and go Friday night, I guarantee you're going to have fun.

So, if you remember the previous movie, Bella has just given birth to a half-vampire baby and been turned into a vampire herself.  So, at the beginning of this one, Bella's a vampire, and she and Edward are really happy, so they go running in the woods and eat some wild animals.

Vampires wear false lashes. Proof.

And then they're like, oh yeah, we have a kid, so they go back to the house and look at the kid (apparently for the first time?) and, I'm not kidding you, it's the ugliest baby you'll ever see.  For some reason, they CGI'd the baby, and it was creepy as hell.  It was some dangerous uncanny valley territory  yo.  That might be where our audience started going pretty nutso. We had an awesome audience of approx. half tweens and half thirtys.  We were all very vocal.  Like when Bella first sees Jacob, he's like, "I didn't expect you to look so... you."  

And our audience was like, WE DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO BE WEARING A SHIRT, BEEOTCH!

Anyway, then it's like, the bad vampires are going to come and kill all the good vampires for having a vampire baby.  So, they prepare for this big fight and invite a bunch of other vampires to come over.  Including these racist caricatures.  Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?  Come on, that's not cool.  I did really like this actress with bangs, though.  She looked a lot like Tyra Banks and seemed to be smizing the whole time.  

Also, the Pie Man gets invited.  And he makes a very handsome vampire.  So there's that.  No one seems more amused by Lee Pace's presence in Breaking Dawn 2 than Lee Pace.  

Here's what I recall from the book, which, I admit, I liberally skimmed, literally unable to actually READ it word for word.  The bad vampires show up, and they're like, We're gunna KILL you. And the Cullens are like, Well, look, the child is actually pretty nice. And they're like, Yeah, she is. Ok, our bad.  See you later. Bai.  But, what happens in the movie is that they DO fight.

And straight off the bat, a couple of major characters get killed. Like, first, Edward's dad or whatever gets his HEAD. RIPPED. OFF (!!!!!) by the super-bad-vampire-guy. And... I'm not kidding you, our entire theatre just completely EXPLODED.  Everyone was screaming and going just totes cray cray. And then some more people get killed, like a couple of wolves and even uh.. that other vampire, I can't remember his name.  And people are losing their SHIT.  It. Was. Awesome.   And this one guy? For some reason? Like Matrix-style punches his fist into the ground and makes a big crater with lava in the bottom and everything? And people and wolves start falling into the lava and stuff and the crowd was going CRAZY.  

And I'm like, Well, this here is GREAT because they took Stephanie Meyer's lame-ass milquetoast ending and really DID something with it! Until, all of a sudden, What's that JR? The whole thing was just a goddamn vision.  And then the Cullens are like, Yeah, that's what will happen if you go to war with us, and then the bad-vampires are like, Yeah, that would suck, ok bai.  And they take off.  And everyone's like, "WHHHHAAAAAAATTT????"   I look down at my friend G and she yells, "Didn't anyone here read the BOOK?!"  

And then everyone lives happily ever after, including - YUCK! - Jacob and the (don't even get me started on this girl's name) child-bride Renesmee (really?).  

Yeah, that's not weird.

The End.

passing time on the couch

kissing ass

I had another procedure done on my left foot on Friday.  Swollen and booted (again!) I spent a lot of time on the couch this weekend, asking M to bring me stuff and watching movies on tv.  Here's what I watched...

Valmont (on demand, free) 1989.  It stars Colin Firth and Annette Bening and is not as good as Dangerous Liaisons.  Meg Tilly uses her big girl voice.  Firth looks creepy in a 17th c. mullet.

2 Days in Paris - starts out as kind of a witty Woody-Allen-type comedy, devolves into shouting.  M walked in and said, "All people do in this movie is TALK!"

even the cat's upset

Chronicle - three stupid boys touch a rock and get super-powers.  They can't really think of anything interesting to do.

Carnage - two sets of parents sit down to have a civilized conversation about their kids' fight.  Society falls apart.  I like when Kate Winslet throws up.

Brave - really enjoyed it.  Is this the first movie about a princess that has nothing to do with how she feels about a boy?  Hallelujah!  And that HAIR.

The Avengers!

We saw the Avengers this weekend and it was really great.  M's a big fan of the Avengers... I thought the whole thing sounded really stupid, but Joss Wedon wrote and directed it, so I figured it would probably be pretty good.  I guess I don't really understand the concept of putting a bunch of random superheros together, but apparently that is a not uncommon superhero comic book conceit.  So, like, for various reasons, all these superheros need to fight together for the fate of the planet and whatnot, but they don't exactly like/trust each other, so first they have to fight each other (this is also not uncommon, I guess.)  I don't think I'll ruin it for you by saying basically every combination of superhero has to fight another superhero.  The best was when Thor? He's like this demi-god from another universe and really hot?  He has to fight the Hulk for some reason?  And, anyway, when he realizes the Hulk is actually really strong and he can go ahead and beat him with his special hammer, he gets kind of excited.

There have been a couple of REALLY bad Hulk movies in the last decade... all I really care about is, what's the deal? He grows like 5 times his size but his pants still fit?  Come on.  Anywho, the Hulk is ably played in this movie by Mark Ruffalo.  Robert Downey Jr. is back as Iron Man, with le Gwyneth making an appearance, wherein they show of their amazing lack of chemistry (zing!).  The Natasha (Black Widow) character is played by Scarlett Johansson.  I don't think she has a previous movie and M doesn't know much about her.  She's in love with the Green Arrow, maybe?  The only thing is, as far as I can tell, she's not really a superhero, she's just really smart and a good fighter, so when they have to fight these giant whatevers and all the other guys are all tricked out with the flying whatnots, she pulls out this little gun, and it's like, damn girl, whatchugunnado with that gun?  


I could have stood for a few more quips, it being a JW film and all, but M felt it was plenty quippy.  Me? I was waiting for the moment when someone inevitably said, "We've got to figure out a way to close that PORTAL!"

Ooooo - Chris Helmsworth (Thor) is also the handsome boyfriend in Cabin in the Woods.  It's all coming together now!   So, it was great.  And, I think there's for-sure going to be a sequel - and maybe like, a Black Widow thing (let's try to get that started!).

awkward!

The Cabin in the Woods (no spoilers)

This weekend we saw The Cabin in the Woods - I really wanted to see it because it's written by Joss Wedon.  It's nice for any Wedon fan because it's basically like a really great two-hour episode of Buffy meets Dollhouse meets the last episode of Angel.  It's partly a commentary on traditional horror movies and the standard stereotypes that are included (the jock, the nerd, the virgin, etc) and how we conform people to meet expected stereotypes and there's also this whole other element that I won't mention for fear of spoilers, except, I will say that I wish the trailer hadn't given so much away.  It's really interesting that this movie came out the same season as The Hunger Games, they have a lot in common.  Well, it's really interesting movie and I'd recommend it.  BTW, it's not really scary, at least not I-can't-sleep-now scary.  Remember when Scream came out and everyone said what a brilliant movie it was, social commentary, etc?  Back then I was like, We've got to see this movie! and then, I couldn't even so much as walk to the bathroom by myself in the middle of the night for the next six months, I was so freaked out.  M was like, Are you SURE we should go see this?  So, it's jumpy-scary in parts and and over-the-top gross in others, so over-the-top that it's funny.  I wouldn't like, recommend it to my mom, but I would to my sister.

Hunger Games

This weekend I got my hair did and my stylist was all, "I'm Obsessed with the Hunger Games!" and I was like, "OMG! Me too!" and I was in heaven, not just because someone besides me was washing and blow-drying my hair.  With each. Passing. Day I get more and more excited about the movie - it looks like it's going to be really good, doesn't it?

So, for the movie, do you think it would be more fun to dress up like someone from District 12...

Or the Capital?

OMG, Look!  There's a Hunger Games nail polish.  I want that so bad!

And, did you know Jennifer Lawrence is dating Nicholas Hoult from Skins?  

She is.

The Capital, right?

Oscars 2012

We went to an Oscar party over at our friends' house - the party was fun but the Oscars are so boring, amirite?  Billy Crystal was recycling jokes from decades ago... we thought about playing a drinking game (with jello shots of White Russians my friend had created in a fish-shaped mold, if you can imagine that) but quickly realized that for the sake of our livers (and the fact that we're now Old and it was a School Night) that was a very bad idea.  About every 5th time Crystal laid an egg, we were like, Where's that FISH?

But!  There's always the fashion...  Oh, the fashion!  Here are my favorites:

Octavia Spencer is a gorgeous woman - I LOVED this dress by Tadashi Shoji.  There were a lot of these sunburst-y dressed last night, but I thought she wore hers best.

 Everything about Michelle Williams was ADORABLE.  That DRESS!  Her sweet little hair cut!  Her tiny little baby doll face.  That sweet little bow at her waist.  AAARGGGH!  She makes me LITERALLY feel like a troll.  Did I mention we once ate brunch at a the same cafe in Brooklyn as her?????????

 Some of my friends (who I'm henceforth going to refer to as my Agents Provocateurs, with a French accent, a la Christopher Plummer.  PS, who's still got IT?  The Captain does, that's who.) said they didn't like this Giambattista Valli dress on Emma Stone, but I thought she looked so stylish.  1. I love it when red heads wear red, 2. She looked really youthful and fun, and 3. She can really do no wrong.  Except for The Help. Snark.

Speaking of Doing No Wrong!  Meryl was right, we DID collectively groan when she won the Oscar!  Not because she didn't deserve it, but, it's like, Give some one else a chance!  Can I have that dress,  I mean, really?   I loved ALL the gold gowns at the Oscars - and there were quite a few, weren't there?

Special Note:  How cute was Cameron Diaz's hair?  I'm thinking about running straight to my hair dresser with this picture.  What was with that stoopid ass routine she and J Lo pulled?