Tuesday, December 09, 2008

That's how we roll

Oh, I'm so furious. After an insane day at work, exhausted, not having had taken so much as any break or even a lunch, I come home (in pouring snrain* [mmm...I just invented that word]) and a certain husband checks the mail only to find a giant box proclaiming the contents therein (along with gigantic picture) thus, in a moment, ruining all Christmas morning surprises and Oh Wife, Aren't You the Best?!?es that would surely have come my way. So, beware, all ye who order from Amazon, that, apparently, your orders no longer arrive concealed like porn in brown wrappers, but just in the box that they come in, letting both your neighbors and your beloved husband know that you've gotten him a KitchenAid 12-cup Food Processor, as recommended by America's Test Kitchen as THE food processor to buy.

NOW I have to send the damn thing back, and, as it was kind of a big and somewhat pricey present, and the ONLY idea I had for a certain, beloved husband, I have to think of something ALL NEW and fabulous to get for him in a mere - what is it now? 14 days? I'm sure many the gentle reader of Agoraphobia knows just how IMPOSSIBLE it is to shop for a certain husband.

NOW on top of utter exhaustion am seething with rage and frustration.

*weeps not-so-silently*

Perhaps the only thing that brightens my spirits is the image of the Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich being arrested by the feds for - what is it now? Ah, a "political corruption crime spree". Yo, world! That's how we rock it CHICAGO STYLE! I'm sure if you've ever been to Chicago, you've heard some annoying native say, "You know why they call it the Windy City, don't you?" and then you say, "Duh, because it's really windy?" and then they puff their feathers and say, "No, it's actually because of the politicians, you see, Chicago has a long, dark history of corrupt blahblahblah"

You may recall that our last governor, George Ryan, also ended up in the pokey. My favorite Illinois politician scandal, of course, is about Jack Ryan, who was married to 7 of 9 on Star Trek? And when she divorced him she said he wanted to go to public sex houses? Although, now that I think about it, it's not really that funny. And he didn't break any laws so who really cares? If only it had been neatly covered in brown paper! Then no one would know! It's only his business what what inside that box!

* Miserable Snow + Rain combo

7 comments:

Lyman said...

What a coincidence, Amazon ruined our Christmas surprise too. I had put something on my Wish List then re-considered actually wanting it, when I went to remove it from my Wish List I saw my most desired item (a different one then previously mentioned) was gone and already purchased. I don't think it would be hard for them to conceal from the Wish-er what had actually been bought.

utopian-camorra said...

Doesn't M want the Processor anyway? Don't let Amazon ruin your xmas.

btw, the awesome thing about the Jack Ryan scandal was that as he was (front-)running in the Illinois GOP primary for a *very* possible win, he told the state GOP leaders that his ongoing sealed-proceeding divorce had "nothing to surprise" or hurt his campaign.

In other words, he was just like ol' G-Rod. Knowing the bad news was coming, but insisting right up to the moment that there was "nothing but sunshine" coming down on him.

Ahhh, Chicago. You sure make some interesting politicians: good, bad, and amazingly stupid.

Special K said...

No, it's too sad now. Also, they sent the wrong damn color. $%#&*!

Carrie said...

Too sad? Not if that's what he wants! But I guess the color is important. I have never been one for suprises. I just want to know that I'm going to like what I get. I know Lyman is bummed that he knows one gift- but Santa will bring others. They weren't on his list so God knows if he'll like them.

KHM said...

Wow---what's up with Amazon? I've never had these kinds of problems with them (and I am a high volume customer) but earlier this week one of the two digital photo frames they delivered to my house was kaput. Fortunately they handle such things so efficiently but with all these foul-ups, one does wonder...

K, its a pity about the holiday morning surprise factor but if the gift is perfect then its perfect (but not surprising). Mike is a big boy, right?

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