Tuesday, November 24, 2009

OMG! New Moon!

Uhm, OMG. So, Sunday night? I went to see New Moon with my friends? And, it was totally awesome. I mean, the movie was so stupid it was ridiculous, but we had like, the best. Time. Evah.

I didn't write about New Moon on my book blog because, well, I could barely read that shit. In New Moon, Bella, dopy teenager, gets dumped by her vampire boyfriend CLEARLY because he thinks he's protecting her (from all the associated ills of dating a vampire) but she doesn't know it, and I believe that even we, the audience, are not meant to understand this very clear and outrageously obvious plot device. Bella spends a lot of time literally clutching her gut and moaning about the hollowness inside her. Then, for various reasons, Edward goes to Italy and tries to get his ass killed by the Volturi, who are like, "vampire royalty." And have British accents. For some reason. Meanwhile, Bella's bff is a werewolf, and he's like, totally in love with her.

Sounds like a really lame plot for a movie, right? It is! But, somehow, it's just about the funniest thing you'll ever see, and we all had a terrific time laughing our asses off at the slo-mo, shirtless, ridiculousness of it all.

You know, even though the Twilight series is just about the worst piece of trite, moronic literature to come out in a very long time, and I think that it is, yes, very dangerous to young women and if I were a dictator (one day!), I would have the books burned in the street - they've spurred some pretty hilarious and awesome writing and creativity. Here are some of my favorites:

Girls Just Wanna Have Fangs, by Sady Doyle

Thirty-Four Ways New Moon the Movie Is Better Than New Moon the Book

Frankly, I can't wait until the NEXT movie, the book-version of which I read approx. every 50th page. In it, even though Bella wants nothing more than to become a vampire so she can spend the rest of eternity with her vampire boyfriend, she's pretty skeeved out by the idea of marrying him. That's like, a little too much commitment.


dad said...

I'll think I'll save my money, and try a different movie! What do you think?..... THANKS!

Special K said...

Nope, it's not for you, Big Daddy! (But thanks for reading!)

clterry said...

Your post is cracking me up. I went with a bunch of girls from work, some very young(20ish) and one much older(45ish) woman who made more moaning noises throughout the movie than the younger ones.
What is with that in the 3rd book, I think, about making a commitment to be a vampire but I don't want to marry you. I didn't get it ither. But then I want to have a vampire baby with you.
I agree the movie was hiliarious, especially listening to the crowd when Jacob took off his shirt. Unfortunately I was in the front row which sucked but I would like to see a couple of scenes again at a better distance away.

KHM said...

you know this is all going to end with a post-college random meeting, a drunken hook-up and an unwanted pregnancy don't you?

Boys at my High School were TOTALLY not that hot. Jeezus...where DO those abs end???

KHM said...

So. Team Edward or Team Jacob??

KHM said...

So, like, today? I was totally talking to my 11-year old about Twilight and how all the guys are, like, really hot and shirtless? And how they're all "you don't know what you need I will run your life for you."? And she was all, like, "I hate that shit..." . Or something like that. Smart girl, she is.

Special K said...

KHM - that is a.w.e.s.o.m.e.

Sounds like a good kid. (: