Thursday, March 03, 2011

W00T PWN: Assassin's Creed Brotherhood

Husband has been playing Assassin's Creed Brotherhood (PS3) for a loooong time now with no apparently intention to stop any time soon. In fact, when I said I was ready to write my review, he said, "I haven't even started the multi-player yet!" Pity.

As far as I can tell, in Assassin's Creed you plays this dude in a cape and hood who sneaks around and climbs up the side of buildings, like Spiderman or Jason Bourne. He goes on dopey "missions" in Rome in the 15th century (I looked it up on Wikipedia). The graphics are pretty nifty and I like looking at the city and the buildings. Thank GOD or I would have gone completely bonkers! M is somewhat obliging when I'm like, "Wait, go back and look at that fountain" or whatever. Also some of the characters mutter or shout in Italian like, "Andiamo" or "Scuzi" or "basta" and that's pretty cool. There's actually a TON of Italian in it. Also a lot of the locations are actual places. I wonder how much of the map of Rome is truly accurate? The dopey bits are that there's some kind of weird back and forth in time and like, the main character is actually like this contemporary dude in a laboratory or something? I don't really get it. And the missions are like, Go over there and knife that guy or Help that hooker find out who roofied her. And then later they're like, Drive Leonardo da Vinci's tank around.

You can buy a run-down doctor's shop and fix it up and then when you get stabbed you can go get "health". Or you can buy a tailor shop and have them make you a new cape and hood. You can also buy other stuff like art in a little shop on a side street and choose from any number of Raphael paintings like The Resurrection of the Christ or St. Michael and the Dragon. Ha. Well. I mean. Come on. That's very unlikely.
Also one day he bought the effing COLOSSEUM.

A video game just wouldn't be a video game without a gang of prostitutes. (M corrects me that they are "courtesans") They are actually the assassin's sister and mother! (M corrects me that they aren't actually courtesans, they just run the brothel.) All the courtesans have funny hairdos that make them look like they have kitten ears.

I think it would be a lot more fun if there were no killing and instead you just walked around Rome looking at stuff and visiting your friends' houses and talking in Italian. And maybe if the character had a wife and they went out for coffee and gelato and went to nice concerts at night and stuff.

I would rate this game pretty darn unbearable, at this point. It's never ending. Basta!


d00dpwn1337 said...

You'd rather I go back to Call of Duty: Black Ops? That can be arranged. ;)

Special K said...

No! God, no!