Friday, September 01, 2006

John is the new Kate

Have I been living under a rock? It's just come to my attention that John Mayer is dating Jessica Simpson. When did that happen? If you ask me, he's got that scared look in his eye we used to see in Katie Holmes back when she left the house. Do you think John Mayer holds Jessica Simpson's inflatable boobs in his hands and thinks her body is a wonderland? Why can't John Mayer conform and date a cool indie chick like Winona Ryder or even Scarlett Johansson? Now all of his songs are ruined.


Lyman said...

I'm disappointed in Mayer. He's such a cool and funny guy, his appearances on Chappelle's Show and his comedy special he had on VH1. Now he throws himself into the National Enquirer scene with Jessica Simpson.

I dunno, maybe she's putting out now...

Anonymous said...

Of course she's putting out now! She got married! The seal is broken. Now its a sex free-for-all!
Poor Mayer. He never had a chance. Those boobs have some kind of mutant radioactive magnetism. Even I want to stare at them. They're amazing! just ask her dad. *Shudder*

kbmulder said...

I found out yesterday at the grocery store and Andy had to come find me because I stopped in my tracks at the disbelief. I was a huge John Mayer fan, I haven't screamed so much at a concert since NKOTB. But now that is ruined. I'm so dissapointed in JM. I hope, for his sake, this doesn't last long.

ambar said...

yeah! this SUCKS

Lyman said...


I was at the grocery story today and the US Magazine on the rack said John, like, totally dumped Jessica because he thought she was using him as a publicity stunt.

He is cool once again.