Sunday, April 17, 2011

w00t pWn: Dead Space 2

M is playing some demos on the PS3 tonight. It's a bit nerve-wracking because he may choose any one of these horrendous games to play for months and months. And one day I'll probably give anything just for him to play Assassin's Creed again.

One of these games is Dead Space 2, which begins with a really grusome movie-type intro about, I don't know, a space ship and a crash and some zombie-type people. There are always some love interests, but, guess what? They're always dead. Wah Wah. (OH! BTW, did I forget to mention that Veronica Mars AKA Kristen Bell did one of the voices of the love interest/soon to be deceased character on Assassin's Creed? Anyway, she did.)
Ewwww, this game is SO GROSS! So, this guy? In an Edward Scissorhands outfit? He runs around this burntout spaceship or something that's full of zombie-like people who have big long insect arms? And then he shoots their skin off and then kicks their arms and their heads off. And it's very loud and it's like, "BANG! BOOM! CRASH! SPLATTER! BOOM! EEEEMMMMM! IT'S TOO LOUD, KAYA DOESN'T LIKES IT! BANG! WILL YOU TURN IT DOWN A LITTLE, PLEASE??????" Also there's a bunch of crazy beeps and electronic noises of like, machines whirling and ice cold breezes blowing down deserted shafts and nonsense like that.

Do you know what I think would make a really good video game? A game with no shooting, and just like, really quiet sounds of maybe a brook babbling, or like, the Indigo Girls singing, you know, really softly. And if there are any zombies, they don't make any crazy-ass noises like rabid dogs on crack all puking and growling and snarling, they just almost completely silently lurch around and drool, and then, maybe you just quickly and succinctly and without any loud or upsetting noises swipe their heads off, and that's it.


Lyman said...

I have an aquarium video game where you choose how you want to decorate your aquarium, what fish you want, feed them, etc. Relaxing.

But really, after five minutes you just want to shoot some shit up.

ma said...

I feel the same way after watching 3 ballgames (any variety) in a row.

Special K said...


That's my momma.

Anonymous said...

Why are you married to a little boy?

d00dpwn1337 said...

If you think games like Dead Space 2 are appropriate for children, you are an idiot.

The average age of a gamer is 35, and 40% are women.

And here you are calling names anonymously... who is the little boy?

Special K said...


That's my husband! Suck it, Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

Incessant game-playing is childish. Turn off the TV and get a life.