Breaking Dawn movie review

I saw Breaking Dawn (part 1) with a couple of girl friends. "Ladies," I said before the movie, "We need to get drunk."  I was expecting a big crowd but our opening-night theatre wasn't even full.  We sat next to a woman with a gaggle of tweens.  She was amused by neither her daughter and her friends, nor me and my half-drunk friends.  Poor woman.  

After previews for the new Mission Impossible movie, followed by that Snow White movie (the Charlize Theron, not the crappy-looking Julia Roberts one), and the Hunger Games we were pretty excited.  I'm not kidding you, that Hunger Games trailer is THRILLING.   Then, Breaking Dawn started, and, I have to hand it them, presumably without irony Jacob tears off his shirt in the first ten seconds.  We all laughed.  We laughed through most of the movie which is, yes, completely ridiculous.  If you ask me, there are two reasons to watch this movie (spoilers coming): 1. Bella and Edward finally have sex (after getting married, natch) and 2. Bella gives birth to a vampire baby.  I think they could have gone a LOT further with both, but, it was fun to watch on the big screen. 

Me and my pals spent a lot of time talking about what an effed up person Stephanie Meyers is - in this book, her character fulfills this bizarre lady-child fantasy - to marry a guy who looks like he's 18 but is emotionally mature (sort of); to look 18 yourself for ETERNITY; to have a baby but pregnancy only lasts 1 month; instead of gaining weight, you loose it to the point of dangerous emaciation; and, after you have the baby (another spoiler) you don't even have to raise it because it rapidly grows to (you guessed it) an emotionally mature 18 years old in the space of a couple months.

Dan Kois wrote a hilarious review of Breaking Dawn in the Village Voice.  Although, even though he just eviserates the movie, he also acknowledges that he actually TEARED UP during the wedding scene when one of the corniest exchanges of the entire movie takes place.  Bella says, "Don't let me fall." and her dad says, "Never."  Really?

Other ridiculous lines from the movie include, but are not limited to:

You'll kill her!

"You'll kill her!" shouted by Jacob re: honeymoon sex between vampire and human, wherein Edward might presumably loose control in mutual virginity-loosing with his soul mate and kill her for some reason.  Instead he just completely destroys their marital bed and gives her a few bruises. 


"It's destroying you from the inside!" Warns Edward to Bella re: rapidly growing fetus.

"If you kill her, you kill me!" Jacob again, after being "imprinted" on their baby.  My friends, who haven't actually read any of the books but are just good sports, each turned to me in the theatre: "What's imprinting!!?!?!"  But, it's too idiotic to explain.

See: Angel, season 1

Maybe this comes from watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer for all those years, but to me, the silliest thing about this franchise is how the vampires, particularly Edward, dress.  There's a line in one of the books that goes something like, "There's nothing more beautiful than Edward in his khakis." (Again, I point to the bizarreness of Stephanie Meyers) and for some strange reason, each movie has been going with this whole Vampire-As-Lands-End-Model thing.  In a honeymoon scene, he's even wearing Sperry Topsiders, for chrissake!  Look, I mean, vampires wear leather and distressed designer denim.  Everyone knows that. 

Sperrys

 

But, back to that teary-eyed reviewer from the Village Voice... despite this clumsily told story, Meyers did manage to stumble upon some universal truths that many of us find appealing/touching, despite ourselves.  After the movie, my friend said sometimes pregnancy does feel like that - that you're being overwhelmed by an alien being inside you.  Would I like to be 18 forever, beautiful and thin, with perfect skin and hair, for eternity, with nothing to do but watch my stock portfolio increase over the centuries and hang out with my husband in his Sperry Topsiders?  Sure I would. 

Why would they bite there?

A few days ago I posted about a vampire-bite necklace - and now look at this!

Actually, this seller is kind of creeping me out. 

the hair isn't quite right

His hair is a lot spiker than that... but... otherwise...

$22????

 What?!  Why?

O.M.G.

 Will. You. Look. At. This?

AHHHH! HAHAHA!

via

Ouch

haha - this necklace is hilarious.

Why am I covered in feathers?

 This crafter made a couple of quilts inspired by Edward and Bella's honeymoon to "Esme Island" - an island owned by the Cullens where they can sparkle all they want to and knock their houses down while they're knocking boots *groan*

Actually, the feather quilt looks quite nicely made, so.... I hate to make fun...

One of these days, Alice...

Jupiter & moons, nasa.gov

I got M a Galileoscope kit for his bday and we just went out in the garden and had a little look around the universe.  We saw a nice view of the Moon, Jupiter, and a cluster of stars that I think was Alcyone.

Jupiter was really cool because we saw her moons too - we couldn't see them with our naked eyes, but there they were in the telescope!  This gift, I must admit, is partly for me too because I always wanted to have a telescope myself. 

BTW, if you have a smart fone, you MUST get Google Sky.  It's the best app in the entire world. 

I can't wait for the Earth to keep spinning so we can see more stuff.  (:

w00t PaWn: Rage

A few days ago M asked me why I hadn't reviewed his video game and I said, "Because you haven't been playing anything new." and he said he'd be playing this brand new game for several days, with something akin to outrage.  And I was all... Looks like the same ol' crap to me, yo.  But, apparently, it's this new game called Rage. 

If you ask me, it's completely derivative of all the other video games he's been playing lately, it has some FPS* and some driving bits.  I've asked M several times what the story's all about but he's never been able to tell me.  Occasionally some people will talk - I think Danny Devito does one of the voices. 

One day we were walking by a Red Box and I was like, Hey, your game is a movie, too.  But I guess they have games in those Red Boxes. 

this could be anything.

I don't really have that much to say about this game because it's total snores-ville, but M seems to like it.  It has given me multiple opportunities to whip out some Dylan Thomas, so there's that.

Rating: Unbearable and indistinguishable.

*First-person shooter.  OMG, so, it turns out, there's also a third-person shooter style, in which the "camera" view is just over the shoulder.  M was playing Warhamer 40-something and it's in that style.  I quite liked it because frankly I think it's very confusing when it's first person and your guy gets killed or whatever and you're like, WTF just happened?  Nahmean?

You guys are gunna like this

I'm really exccited because I have another crrrrrap I mean crrrrrraftastic Twilight special coming up for the next Twilight movie!   I'm planning on organizing the grrrrrrls to see this movie
and still trying to decide what my tshirt should say (any ideas?)  The crrrrafts will
probably start the Friday or Monday.  Stay posted!

Whaaaaaat????  I can't wait!

M's bday

For M's birthday I rented a limousine and went out to one of his favorite tiki bars with some of our best pals.  Here we are enjoying the ride...

The girls.

He's how old?

O. had a special shirt made that said "NOT 40".

He's the best!

Ayer

Yesterday we had a great day down in Pilsen - we went with some friends to the National Museum of Mexican Art for the annual Dia de los Muertos exhibit, which I try to go to every year.  Before, we met for tres leches cake and coffee at Kristoffer's Cafe, which was ridic delicious, then afterward we went to this awesome bar, Simone's, which is designed with old pinball machines?  Gorgeous.  THEN, we went to Mundial for dinner, which, I swear to you, is now my favorite restaurant in The City.  Phenomenal service, an amazing menu - excellent selection of vegetarian foods for a certain vegetarian husband - we had an excellent time. 

Standouts at the show were a beautiful large-scale photograph from Mexico in the '50s of a cemetary under candlelight - kind of like this vibe...

There was also an absolutely stunning painting by local artist cHema Skandal which we ALL loved.  I wish I could find a copy of that painting online.  Not to mention, buy a little somethin' for my living room!  Also turns out our friend MZ knew one of the artists in the show.  Pretty cool, no? 

I was inspired to make an ofrenda myself, for my grandpa - here's a little pic...

It's got some of his favorite things: books, music, champagne, a little baseball picture, as well as some traditional elements like butterflies, a sugar skull, and pan de muerto. 

Little racer

Will you look at this little puppy?  Found this terrific little costume and new nephew #2 would love it.  He's such a sweet boy - he started to put it on right away and wore it all day.  Right up until he uh, peed in it.  Well, what else do you expect puppy dog tails and garden snails to do, amirite?

My DVR Queue

As the fall season progresses, our DVR queue changes rapidly.  I just deleted Revenge, which is kind of a fun idea but in actuality is kind of boring.  I also have to wonder what Madeleine Stowe has to say to herself to get through the day.

Pan Am is getting a last chance review right now, but, as you can see, I'm bored enough to blog through it.  Obviously it's trying to jump on the Mad Men bandwagon, but why didn't they borrow a few tips from Mad Men?  Political, sexy, feminist, funny, insightful - how about trying any of those?  Instead you can practically hear the director saying, OK, girls, in this scene, I want you all to run in skipping and giggling - remember, you're America's New Woman!  Also, I prefer Christina Ricci with about 20 more pounds - she's too skinny.

We apparently removed Walking Dead from our queue last season due to unremembered satisfaction.  I added it back after a fair amount of buzz over season two, but last night it all came flooding back.  If I were in a zombie apocalypse, the first thing I'd do would be to get away from all those assholes.

Whitney I rather like, and I think the New Girl is around to stay as well. 

I'm really enjoying this season's Project Runway, which probably deserves a post all of its own.  Anyway, I hope that Anya wins, and Josh gives me the creeps, big time.  As usual, I wish for nothing more than Tim Gunn to visit me and tell me everything I'm doing is perfect.

I think I'm going to give Pan Am the boot. 

Trailers

You know how like, sometimes? You find yourself crying a little at a trailer?  And then you get mad because it's cheesy and manipulative?  Anyway, watch this, and see if two delicate tears don't roll down your cheeks...


Aside from being about homeless whales (for chrissake), it features America's third most loveable woman, Drew Barrmore (following Amy Adams & Zooey Deschanel)  and thrid most likeable guy, John Krasinski (after Joseph Gorden-Levitt and Conan O'Brien). 

Anybody notice that Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is being made into a movie? I should have known they would cast T. Hanks as the dad (insert Tom Hanks tirade).  My friends and I were just complaining the other day about how the Safran Foer wrote two incredible books and then goes on to write nothing but annoying shit ever since then.  Although, I admit I'm rather interested in Tree of Codes.  It's Eugenides's Marriage Plot that I'm quite anxious to ready right now and am in an epic battle with myself about whether or not to buy the hardback. 

The cutest thing

Today I saw the most adorable thing in the entire planet:  a tiny pug puppy that was so tiny it could fit in your hand!  I saw it outside the post office and naturally, I threw myself to the ground and cooed while it nibbled my fingers and shoes and sweater and purse with its adorable little tiny baby teeth.  I had to physically restrain myself from stuffing it in my pocket and running away. 

I long to have a dog. 

Miss Kaya is a one-cat per household kind of cat, so, our little family stays this way. 

Such a friend!

I mean, look at her!  Could you ask for anything more?

Wanna see something funny?  We have a sort of reverse Romeo & Juliet thing going on with the neighbor's cat.  It wants to be friends with Ms. Kaya, but she just gets real mad and growls and bites us when he says hello.

What light through yonder window breaks?

It's sad, really.  But so funny.

The Worst

Well, our family is compromised.  We're both sick as dogs.  It doesn't look good for me because M's been sick with this (sore throat, cough) for over a week.  Ugh.  I just got it yesterday, like a truck.

The bad news is we're both quite unpleasant when we're ill so there's a lot of bickering going on.  Also a lot of disagreeing about the best course of action to beat a cold.  For me it's soup, juice, and a constant stream of passive tv watching.  Preferably a marathon of some kind: Pride and Prejudice, Bridget Jones 1 & 2, Sex and the City - whatever.  He sort of got into the spirit, but really WAY off with the suggestion, of Star Wars 1-6. 

Oh, dear.

Four Eyes

My friend G told me about this website, Zenni Optical, where you can buy prescription glasses for really cheap.  I just asked my eye doctor for my prescription and I ordered 4 pairs for less than $100!  Can you believe it?   You can make any of the glasses sunglasses and choose the shade color and everything.

So, there they all are - the top pair are green with pink sides - they're my favorite.  M really likes the black sunglasses because generally I like wearing absolutely HUGE sunglasses and these are just "normal" size. The third green pair are my least favorite because I think they're just a tiny bit small for my face.  I don't really care because they were so cheap - I guess I'll try to find one of those places were you can donate them. And the last pair of sunglasses I really like - they're lavender with amber-tinted lenses. 

I think it's really cool because, even though I really like the glasses I got at my regular eye doctor, they were kind of expense and designer-y, and sometimes I just want something to bum around in.  Also, I lose sunglasses like crazy so it was great to get a couple of pairs I could lose without getting mad at myself. 

Anywho, I thought I'd share because it's a pretty cool website.  Also, I was really pleased with the prescriptions too - I compared them to the glasses I got through the eye doctor (and spent a small fortune on) and I think they're just the same. 

The only problem is now I want to order like 75 more pairs of sunglasses. 

Oh, btw, while I'm talking about My Favorite Things, this picture was taken with the Photobooth App on my android, it's almost as fun as a real photo booth.

Goodbye, Tomatos!

So sad!  Tomato season is pretty much over.  We might get one or two more ripe ones off our vines, but the bountiful harvest, alas, is passed*.

M grew I think 8 different kinds of tomatoes this year:  Lemon Boy, Cherokee Purple, Sweet Million, Betty's Orange, Speckled German, Brandywine, Black Prince, Green Zebra.  Many a night we enjoyed tri- or even quatra-colored bruscetta.  My faves were probably Green Zebra and the Black Prince, and Betty's orange.  M's was the Cherokee Purples, followed by the Brandywine.  The Speckled Germans, we agree, were all-around excellent.

I'm quite fond of Betty's Orange because it has a nice provenance.  It's an heirloom tomato who's seeds were passed on to us from M's Granny from her neighbor, Betty.  And it's orange.

I've become an incredible tomato snob and I basically won't even EAT a tomato unless it came out of my own backyard.  Which means that I really don't eat tomatoes about 10 months out the year.  However, this summer I did discover a few recipes for baked/roasted tomatoes that I can probably use with inferior, store-bought, tomatoes and not be too unhappy.

Until next summer, I must remind you of two of my favorite things to do with green tomatoes - Green tomato bread, which is amazing**, and my green tomato Italian Farmhouse Pickles, of which I just made many many jars.  If you are very lucky, I will give you one and you can experience for yourself the feeling of pure adrenaline that results.  It's kind of like getting slapped in the face.  Maybe I'll give them to my enemies as well, just so I can see the look on their rotten mugs. 



*Note: this word caused me and M much consternation.  Is passed?  Is past?  I hope I got it right, but I'm too lazy to look in the Chicago Manual of Style.


** Except she puts 1 cup of Spenda in which I think is DISGUSTING!  Why would you ever ruin perfectly good food you grew in Your Own Yard but dumping a bunch of POISON in it, I ask you?  Anyway, just leave out the Splenda, 1c sugar is plenty. 

13 Years

13 Years Ago Today

w00t Pawn: Deus Ex

M's playing this new video game called Deus Ex that he really likes.  To tell the truth, it's pretty hard to follow and I haven't even been able to get M to tell me what the point is.  As far as I can tell, there's this guy, who's kind of like Robo-cop?  And he semi-against-his-will got some cyber implants or something?  And he's partly machine, I guess.  And, anywho, he has to go around and solve mysteries.

It's mostly one of those sneaking games, and questioning games, where your character walks around and then they meet someone (usually a prostitute, isn't that odd?) and then your guy has the option of having a conversation and you choose what "style" of conversation you're going to have.  The options are usually like, "flirty", "aggressive", "uptight", and "sexually aggressive".   Speaking of, I heard there were some video games out there with good writing, but M sure ain't playin' 'em.  Also, the character is required to "hack" a lot, which means that you take your guy into a room or something, and walk around and "pick up clues" and then you see a safe, and it's like, "Hack that safe" and then you say, Oh, I think the clue's in my memory or something, and then it's like, oh, the safe combo is 8945 or whatever and then you're like, ta da! I hacked it!  But, I mean, seriously.   I think you should have to remember 8945 or whatever.  With your own brain.

Personally, I think these "movie-style" video games are kind of boring.  It's LIKE it's a choose-your-own adventure, but when it comes down to it, it seems like there is only one outcome, and regardless of what you might do, the game is going to make you play it their way until you manage to activate all the little scenes leading up to it's one, inevitable ending.  I think it would be interesting if there really were multiple ending possibilities, like, in one, your cyber-guy might work with one of these prostitutes to enact social change, or, I don't know, ends up volunteering at a dog shelter or something. 

It's Just a Little Unbareable.

redecorating

I want to do a little redecorating and I found out you can get like, door wallpaper? Only, they all kind of suck. Except, I found this really cool one of a Haussman-era French door that's a photo-decal.
Then I spent forever trying to find out where I could buy it and it turns out it costs 341... EUROS! Gah.

Then I found this one. OMG, isn't that HILARIOUS? Can you IMAGINE??????

Outside of buying brand-new doors, does anyone know a way to make super-crappy doors look kind of nice?

weekend recap

M & I are sitting around with the Sunday Night Blues trying to remind ourselves that we did have fun this weekend, even though right now we're just tired and grouchy...

Friday night I started feeling kinda sick and then woke up Sat. morning feeling pretty terrible. After ransacking our pharmaceuticals I managed to pull myself out the fog. We attended a birthday party for a young 1 year old friend. I've never seen so many little people at a party. How embarrassing that we didn't have one! C'est la vie...

We saw The Guard on Sat. night. It was a great movie. Had the actor that played Mad Eye Moody (for realsies he has two eyes) and the great Don Cheadle.

So, everyone obsessed with Kate Middleton, right? I just spent two weeks looking for shoes just like hers - I hope they fit well. *drool* Those are gorgeous shoes. Also I've been listening to a lot of Ellie Goulding, but not just because she sang at her reception. Her CD is really good.

Our vacation

Here's a little video of our vacation!

It was like this...

Here's a mini-video of my sister's trip...

A Perfect Visit

We had our first solo visit from my sister since my beloved nephew was born (over 4 years ago!) It was a terrific long weekend!

On Friday we had lunch at Blackbird, a visit to the Art Institute, a concert at Millennium Park...
dinner at Acre and a quick trip to the Dairy Star...
On Sat. we went to the farmer's market, the spa, and saw The Help that night (I liked it better than the book!)

And on Sunday we had a lovely brunch at M. Henrietta with my friend M., a walk along Lake Michigan, which was so blustery they had to shut the beaches! We spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing day in the backyard with grilled veggies and cocktails. A sleepy and tearful goodbye at 3am this morning was the end of a really wonderful visit with one of my favorite people in the world who happens to also be my sister.

little bike

Birthday Month Comes to an End

As all good things must end, so does my Birthday Month. I really couldn't ask for a better one so I have no complaints. The Surprise Concert, a couple of great weekends out of town, trips to the beach, my sailing class... everything's been really fun.

Last night we had a great time with a friend's art book release, the purchase of a new sink for our planned bathroom redesign, a visit to my new favorite restaurant, Bite (I had the Lamb Salisbury Steak, M had a Philly Cheese Fake) and finished it off with a visit to Chicago's most amazing ice-ery, Miko's. The ice-ista at Miko's gave us as fine a consultation as you would get in any five-star restaurant as he leaned out his window in Logan's Square and advised us on the best flavors (Hot Tip: Peach is coming next week!)

In other news, I happened to find myself in a batting cage a few days ago and I was unexpectedly KILLING. Since I was doing so well, I decided to leave the "slow" pitch and progress to a faster ball. The Guy warned me that it was "much" faster, but I was not worried. I actually went from completely confident to crapping my pants terrified in about .2 seconds, which is how fast that ball came flying at me! When I stopped screaming I fought my way out as fast as I could. And that's why I don't play sports, people.

Here's a great picture of M and G inspecting limes for cocktail-worthiness. We took 90 limes to the lake house. That's how we do it.

Birthday weekend

This weekend we went to our friend's lakeside "cottage" along with the whole crew - it was the most fun I could possibly have had on my birthday weekend! Now I have a (un)healthy tan, am well-swum, and pleasantly full of delicious food. We saw a couple of amazing storms and went night swimming! It's heavenly out there!

Camping weekend

Last weekend we went camping up in Wisconsin - actually, not far at all from us - at Lake Geneva. Beautiful lake up there and a lovely little camp ground. It was fun sleeping outside and having a big fire at night. Here's a pic of M and a typical book he takes on vacation.

and here's our campsite - it was under a marvelous tree - we really liked that tree:

When we came home again we couldn't wait to pet Kaya and also to go see Harry Potter! I'll post my thoughts on the movie soon.

dark and hot

Well, it's been an utter shit storm of a past few days because we had this wee giant storm which lasted about 15 minutes and tore up a bunch of trees and left us without power for just over 24 hours (along with 868,000 other people). Power was off at work and at home and one was obliged to spend a lot of time at both places sitting around in the sweltering darkness.

Our power finally came on around noon today, but only after we had thrown away all the food in the fridge. ComED owes us a variety of fine cheeses, I'll tell you that.

Here's a crazy ass video of the storm.

It's very sad about the trees, especially on the campus where I work. It's really weird because the wind just knocked them right out of the ground. Some of those trees were my friends. I knew them from nut and acorn.

The Secret Event!

Well, I know you're all dying to know what the Secret Event was (assuming anyone still reads my blog?)! It was very exciting. We drove down to Uptown, to the Aragon Theatre, and I couldn't tell from the marque even what it was - in fact, I didn't find out until we were inside and I had been (gently) frisked - The Flaming Lips concert! What a fun surprise! I don't go to a lot of concerts and don't know if this is normal, but they had all kinds of balloons that got bounced around, and the lead singer got in a giant bubble and road all over the tops of the crowd and they shot out a bunch of confetti and there were lasers... it was pretty cool.

Otherwise, we spent most of the weekend in our backyard, which is nothing short of a suburban wonderland:

(I got new shoes.)

birthday month update

Ooo boy, you would not believe how excited I am because M has written "Secret Event" on the calendar for tomorrow and all I know is it's part of my birthday month celebrations. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So far it's been a lovely birthday month and looks to get even better and better. The garden is in full bloom and really gorgeous. This weekend we will undoubtably spend as much time as we can lingering there with the odd cocktail, the hammock and our precious little angel, Kaya!

These are tiger lilies and my new favorite: Rose Champion - pretty, rite? Also some crazy curly grass.