Oblivion!

This weekend we saw Oblivion.  I really like futuristic sci-fi stuff but it didn't make a lot of sense.  Looks pretty though.  Aside from all the weird plot holes, there's also this.... So, supposedly this lady and Tom Cruise are like, the only people on the planet, right?  And Tom Cruise goes out every day to do repair work or whatever, while the lady stays at home and works at the computer.  Say you're in the same situation - are you REALLY going to dress like this?

Or, don't you think it's more likely she's going to dress like this, and maybe run upstairs and change 5 minutes before Tom Cruise gets home?  I can assure you that is what she would do, because my husband is extremely handsome in a Tom Cruise kind-of-way, and yet, I look like a total slob most of the time.  

That's what I really found unbelievable....

Anywho, we also finally saw the Picasso show at the Art Institute.  It was quite good, and, it's nice to see a big crowd looking at art.  Although, also, personally, it really sucks seeing art in a big crowd.  Because I hate crowds.  And people.  

This was my favorite:

Worst Week?

What a week.  The bombing in Boston.  The Senate kills a measure on background checks before gun purchases.  A factory explodes in Texas.  There was an End of Days storm in my fair city and a giant sinkhole opened up and swallowed three cars.  WHAT?  Now I have to worry about sinkholes, too?

Jezabel said all this better than me.  (Mom, do not click on that link.)

We've got nowhere to go but up.  In times like this, I look to the animated gif:

Also I've been making my own animated gifs with this really cool app called Motiongraph.  They're almost all of Kaya.  Here she is eating grass, which she has yet to vomit back up...

Kids Cryin'

So, at the grocery store the other day I open the milk freezer and it turns out this dumb kid had slid his finger in the crack and I squeezed his little finger.  He didn't make a sound, but I saw him sort of fold into himself so I shut the door real quick and then he found his mom and burst into tears. Oh boy, did I feel terrible.  I stood around helplessly telling the mom how sorry I was while she tried at once to help her kid and wordlessly tell me, "It's ok, I know you didn't do it on purpose."  I ran and got some ice, did some more sorrowful apologizing while she again wordlessly told me, "It's ok, just... go away."  I'm very intuitive about these things.

We checked out, but left without getting any dairy products.

When I got home, I still felt like a monster-shit-head and posted on my facebook "Accidentally smashed kid's finger at the grocery and now I want to kill myself."  It occurred to me that somewhere in town, someone was posting, "Some idiot smashed my kid's finger in the grocery and I would like to kill her."  And then that someone I was friends with was also friends with her would read both posts and they would have one of those moments.  like this...

Speaking of kids crying, I found this tumblr called Reasons My Son is Crying, all pictures of the same sobbing boy crying pitiful, snot-drenched tears with captions like, "I closed the refrigerator door." or "I wouldn’t let him drink bath water."  

We suggested that he play with a train. via

At first it was hilarious - I mean, what's funnier than a crying kid that has nothing to do with you that you can't even hear?  But then I started thinking, maybe every picture should be followed by the explanation "My parents are asshats" or, eventually, "I have an undiagnosed psychosis."  I don't understand why people aren't interested in protecting their own kid's privacy.  Oh well.  What do I care? It is pretty funny.  

Book of Mormon!

This weekend M & I had a lovely night on the town with dinner and a show - we saw The Book of Mormon.  It's really funny - if you have the opportunity to see it, you will surely enjoy it, unless you are uhm, a Mormon or pretty religious.

Here's one of my favorite songs, called Turn It Off, about how to stop feeling and thinking.  (:



I wore this rather outrageous gold paillette jacket over a black dress with a fabulous necklace.  I was in the lady's room fixing my false eyelash when my spidey-sense let me know that two girls were giving me The Eye.  I recognized it immediately, having grown up in Indiana.  It said, Get a load of this big city girl.

 I smiled at them.

That's right, bitches!

w00t PaWN: (s)he's a pinball wizard

I have more first hand experience playing video games with ma husband this weekend - you see, I don't *always* write these reviews from the objective and, some might say, "judgey" sidelines, on rare occasions, I get in there myself and tear it up.

We started by playing the demo for Zen Pinball on PS3, which has a few Starwars demos, they were fun so we decided to buy the whole thing.  It's $10 price tag required a few minutes of discussion, until I had the brilliant idea of considering it in terms of quarters, which is 40 quarters, which is not that many in terms of pinball games (.50 cents a game, single player).  So, it was sort of a bargain.

Video pinball games try to imitate the actual play of pinballs - you release the ball and operate the clickers and you can even "bump" the machine, and otherwise the balls follow the Newtonian physics of a regular pinball machine.  The Starwars games adds a few extra elements like a Boba-fett that floats around or a Darth Vader that shows up and tries to mess with you, but generally you just shoot the ball around.  I liked those games quite a bit.

By Sunday we bought another pinball game on the PS3 called Pinball Arcade, which replicates some "classic" (according to M) pinball games (with no fancy stuff like in the Starwars games).  I didn't like those as much as Zen Pinball because they were harder to play and I lost my balls pretty quickly.  I find it very boring to watch someone else play a pinball game, but M seemed to like watching me.  Although, basically whenever I play any video game, he stares at me like someone might admire a monkey playing the piano.

He was quite excited to play some game called Bride of Pinbot, in which there's like a robot lady that "comes alive" as you hit various levels within the board.  I threatened to "whip out some feminist analysis" and he claimed, "It's just a game!" which I countered with "It perpetuates the culture of misogyny!" and that's maybe one of the reasons we don't play too many video games together.   But, actually, I mean, aside from the inherent gender inequalities, we had a really good time.

w00t PaWN: Sleeping Dogs

M is playing Sleeping Dogs on the PS3.  He plays like this gangster guy who is really an undercover cop trying to infiltrate a Taiwanese gang or something?  As far as I can tell, his guy rides around town, then he jumps out of the car and punches people in the face and does some parkour nonsense and then drives some more and punches some more guys.  It's a lot like Grand Theft Auto except in Taiwan.  I'm curious about how accurate the map is. I've never been to Taiwan.

I think the gang is called the "Dogs" or something.  But, honestly, I have no idea.

In this one bit, he runs into some kind of club, sings some KARAOKE (no joke) and then breaks a big fish tank and then picks up a FISH and punches a bunch of guys with the fish.  I was like....

Integrating karaoke is kind of funny but I think it should be a true mix and you have to break out your Garage Band mics and really sing.  Or better yet, the XBox Kinect and do some sick dance moves.  Instead you just move the controller to hit the appropriate key. That's pretty weak, right?

Courtesy Patrol

The other day we were in the grocery and I noticed that one of the employees there had an orange vest that read "Courtesy Patrol" across the back.  I imagined that his job was to walk around the store, and if someone was being a jerk, he'd go, "Hey.  Hey!  HEY!  Cut it out!"  I would like to have that vest.

Then, what do you know but I'm reading this article about online bullies?  And it mentions that Facebook has a team that is literally called the Hate and Harassment Team.  No joke.  And I was like, if I was on the Hate and Harassment Team, I would just walk around the office knocking shit off people's desks and getting up in everyone's grill.

But.  Seriously.  There is a team that works for a very large company called the HATE and HARASSMENT team.  I can't seem to get that out of my head.

I could certainly use the Courtesy Patrol at my office.

Movies

I've been watching a ridick amount of tv and movies because my stoopid foot still hurts like hell (and it's still hurting!)  Last weekend we watched a dumb movie called The Invasion.  It was not good, even though it has Nicole Kidman AND Daniel Craig in it AND they kiss.  We also watched that Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie, Looper.   It's full of holes and Joseph Gordon-Levitt wears a prosthetic nose to look like a young Bruce Willis which seems to take away from his very Gordon-Levittness.  Also he wears a frankly alarming color of lip stain.  There wasn't really any kissing.  

I finally got around to watching Ab Fab and it was... absolutely fabulous.  (I don't believe anyone's ever made that joke before...)  Now have desire to hold my mouth in bizarre way and call people darling.  And take up smoking. Again.

Oh, good lord... I watched Compliance on Netflix streaming and it shook me to my very core!  Know Your Rights!

Last night I finally got around to watching The Americans - a new tv show where Felicity is like a Russian Spy or something?  I never really watched Felicity but that's who she'll always be to me.  Is she believable as a Russian doing a perfect American accent who occasionally brutally kills people with her bare hands then has weird we-just-killed-a-dude-sex with her arranged-spy-husband in the back seat of their car?  I guess so.  Also it takes place in the 80s and she wears high waisted Guess jeans.  So.  There's that.  

The Whos down in Whoville

People who are crazy about Doctor Who are called Whovians.  Did you know that?  I'm not sure I am one yet, but I really really like Doctor Who.  So, recently we finished the David Tennant episodes, and I was pretty sure no one could ever replace him.

When I realized the end was coming, I was like....

And then I was in straight denial.

I was like, This is straight up ridiculous, and no one can replace him.  Also I want Rose back.

But, last night we watched the first Matt Smith episode and ... I gotta say.  I LIKED it. A LOT.

Also, here's a picture that doesn't move but is pretty awesome.  Holy mackerel, amirite?

Peg Leg

Well, some bad news is my foot still really hurts and lately I've been pretty sad, imagining what the rest of my life will be like with two peg legs - probably not as great as this guy makes it seem...

Also M and I have been watching Dr. Who, and I've developed an irrational crush on David Tennant and I'm actually QUITE upset about his reign as The Doctor coming to an end.  I feel a lot like this...

a little christmas video

Here's a belated video about Christmas in Indiana last month!

Luther

This weekend I saw Luther at Steep Theatre.  It's a very odd play.  It's about a couple who adopt a war veteran, a grown man - and they treat him like a cross between a child and a dog.  At the beginning, for example, they have a long talk about who will watch him when they go on a long-awaited vacation, and, to wake him up from a nap on the couch, they scratch his legs while he nearly slobbers and pants on them.

It takes place in something like an alternate reality where people do this thing - adopt veterans.  Some of the characters are puppets, which is pretty interesting but superfluous.  It was an uncomfortable performance because Luther (the vet) behaves like an animal sometimes, he quickly turns erratic and violent.  I think the playwrite is probably trying to make some kind of statement about the dehumanizing factor of war but the comparison to animals is unsettling.  Even the poster for the show figures a dog bowl with the name "Luther" on it.  Unfortunately, the play lacked a clear point of view and I don't think my companions and I were the only ones to leave a little confused by what we had seen.  (Especially judging by early reviews.)

The adoptive parents were well-meaning but completely unprepared for caring for their new addition. I desperately flipped through my program after the play looking for a article that would explain it all - no luck.  What are they trying to say - that we're collectively not prepared to integrate soldiers into civilian life?  Luther raised a lot of questions, but ones that made me wonder what the hell the play was about and less about how to honor and support war veterans.

One foot, two feet

Well... It's been a week and a few days since my second foot surgery and I'm going to start venturing out into the world bit by bit.  My mother came and helped me and M by cooking and schlepping, doing laundry and forcing me to wash my hair when it got really disgusting.  We had a good time, also, watching movies and old episodes of West Wing.

Mom's very crafty and made no less than SEVEN quilt tops in a week, plus a few other project, plus fixed a few pairs of pants for me, plus we started a duct tape dress form for her.  You heard me.  Boy oh boy does she get stuff done.

I spent most of the time holding my cat.

Wanna see something adorable????????

Roman Holiday

I finally edited our video footage from our Roman vacation - here it is .... a bit long ... 10 mins.

New Year's Resolutions

1. Be even more glamourous and awesome
2. Invent something (like segway?) and become a billionaire
3. Travel around the world 3 times (on a yacht) 
4. Open a hit restaurant and get at least 24 Zagat rating
5. Become the editor of a famous magazine, like Vogue or something
6. Get to know Kate and Will's baby pretty well.

Best Reading in 2012

These are what I published in Newcity... I have some other top 5s there that *I* think are amusing.

Top 5 Books (published in 2012)
“NW” by Zadie Smith
“A Hologram for the King” by Dave Eggers“The Age of Miracles” by Karen Thompson Walker“HHhH” by Laurent Binet“Treasure Island!!!” by Sara Levine


I read Junot Diaz's This is how you Lose Her after I wrote that.... I really it belongs on the list.  I suppose I might bump Treasure Island!!! to get it on there.

But, my Top 5 Books I Read (Not necessarily published in 2012) were:
The Colony, Jillian Weise
Swamplandia, Karen Russell
A Hologram for the King, Dave Eggers
The Age of Miracles, Karen Thompson Walker
The Marriage Plot, Jeffrey Eugenides


Top 5 YAs I Read (Not necessarily published in 2012):
Speak, Laurie Halse Anderson
Why We Broke Up, Daniel Handler
Beauty Queens, Libba Bray
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, Sherman Alexie
Little Brother, Cory Doctorow

Best Conversation of 2012 while awaiting surgery

I had this conversation with my mom when we were waiting for my foot surgery to start.  She did a very good job of distracting me from the task at hand.

Mom: We saw Life of Pi and it was just amazing.  That tiger was incredible.
Me: It was a CGI tiger, right?
Mom: What is CGI?
Me: Computer generated.
...[pause]
Mom: No, it was a real tiger.
...[pause]
Me:  You know how like, sometimes actors are people and sometimes they are animals?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Are you saying that the actor who played the tiger was a real tiger?
...[pause]
Mom: Yes.
Me: I don't think it was a real tiger.
Mom: It was real. You should have seen his face, when he was holding on to the side of the boat.
[she mimes a tiger holding on to the side of a boat]
Me:  A real tiger... IN A BOAT!  No.
Mom: And at the end, he was so skinny.  It was very sad.
[she mimes tired tiger]
Me: They starved the tiger!
Mom: No, they just got a sick tiger to play that part.
[enter nurse]
Mom: have you seen that movie, Life of Pi?  It's amazing, it has a beautiful tiger in it.
Me: It can't be real.
Nurse:  Oh. Animatronics.

Best of 2012

Gee, I can't believe Christmas is over, just like that!   We ended up having a whirlwind trip to Indiana - less than 24 hours because a big blizzard was coming and we didn't want to get snowed in.  We had a great time - saw both my grandmas, and M's too.  We went to my Grandma J's, as per tradition - even though she has a tiny house, a ton of people come over and we usually have a very jolly time.

On Christmas day, my parents and M & I had coffee and opened our stockings, then Mom and M made a ton of food in a seemingly effortless fashion.  My nephew was a bunch of fun and was a super-sweet little guy all day long.  M & I gave him a bike, and even though he's only 4, he started riding it all over like a total pro.  It ended up being a shorter trip than we intended, but it was really fun.

Highlights from 2012:

Best Play: Metamorphoses 

My most popular blog post: Skins (Some Spoilers) by a long shot.

My most popular bookish post: The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian.  I shudder to think how often my book blog is plagiarized for middle-school book reports.

Best time I had filling the gas tank:  with MZ on the way to Culver

Best Meal: in a tiny, two table restaurant over looking the Trevi Fountain in Rome

Best invention: The animated gif review.

Best Husband: M (12 years running!)

Best Sister: My sister

Best Neighbor: My neighbor

Best Cat: Miss Kaya

The Hobbit

We went to see the Hobbit tonight.  Would have gone opening night, I'm sure, but I had my foot surgery that day and this was my first big adventure out of the house in more than a week!  Whew!  Was it worth it?  Uhm....

First of all, we saw what I believe was meant to be the optimal viewing experience: XD, ReadD 3D, & the High Frame Rate.  Supposedly Peter Jackson thinks the 48 frames per second thing is the best way to view the film, but I thought it was really disconcerting and looked completely awful.  It distracted me through the entire movie.  It was like a shitty sitcom from the '80s.  I felt like I was watching fekking Fraggle Rock.  The other Lord of the Rings movies, which I grew to love, were fun to watch the first time around for a non-fangirl like myself because the films were so absolutely gorgeous!  Moody and rich - I mean, the first peak at Rivendell was so exciting, right?  But, honestly, it looks like utter shitballs in the Hobbit.  Like, in the previous movies, I really loved Bilboe's house?  But, it just looked like crap in this HFR nonsense.  So, if you haven't seen it yet, I beg you to not see it in this version.  Also, the 3D is worthless - there's just like one second where it kind of looks like a flaming pinecone gets tossed at your face, and that's it.  It's not even fun when the eagles fly around.

Otherwise, I hate to say, I didn't love it.  I think they're mostly Tolkien's fault... like, does every goddamn scene have to end with a deus ex machina with that guy?  It's like, Oh, Crap! We're surely done for now!  Nope, there's Gandolf coming over the fuckin' horizon with the rising sun!  Nope, there's a bunch of goddamn eagles to glide everybody carefully to a safe resting place!

I read the book, oh 20mumble years ago and don't remember it that well, but moi's husband is something of a Hobbit/LoTR expert.  His quibbles were based more on what Jackson added to the movie - surely to stretch it out to the eventual NINE HOUR TOTAL VIEWING TIME.  I mean, it's like a 200 page book, come on.  He did seem to like the songs, though.  Also, M spied one Bret McKenzie in a non-ironic Elf role.  I thought I spied Lee Pace as a non-speaking elf (wtf?) and was so busy noticing during the credits that it was indeed Lee Pace that I missed Benedict Cumberbatch's name!  I tell ya, the Pie Man shows up in the weirdest places.  So, we go to IMDB to find out who the heck B.C. played, and get this!  He played the "Necromancer" which is literally just like, no kidding, a SHADOW in the movie.  Like, a CGI ghost shadow that I don't even think said anything!  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

so that's what he looks like without a beard...

Year of the foot

Hello, my pretties

Well, it's just been a hell of a year for me and my dogs.  Earlier this year I had procedures done on both my feet, which, unfortunately did not fix my Plantar fasciitis, so, Friday I had another surgery on my right foot that was a bit more dramatic (and I'll do the left foot in a couple of weeks).  Since M simultaneously came down with the flu, my mom came out to help us get through it - and thank goodness she did because the whole thing was much more, well, dramatic than before. Plus... I have to use crutches for a few days.  What in the...?  How in the world do people get around on those things?  It's impossible.

I spend a fair amount of time wondering if I'll every wear anything in my beautiful shoe collection again besides my tennies.  I finally found a pair of Kate Middleton-esque shoes, but I haven't even worn them.  So sad.  I mean, is that one of the saddest stories you ever heard?

In other news, I have been wearing this song OUT on youtube (I know, I know, mildly sacrilegious to shun the Pretenders version, but I really prefer this faithful version by KT Tunstall, I can't help it.)

My nephew lost his TWO FRONT TEETH (can you believe it?) a week before xmas.  The news of a lost tooth is somehow nothing short of delightful to the whole family.