So Proud

My sister gave birth yesterday to a beautiful boy - he's perfect in every way and I couldn't be more proud of my sister and her husband. Part of my sister, he feels like part of me, and I'm so excited about the future I'll share with my nephew.

Preparing

I've in LA for the past few days, waiting with my sister and brother-in-law for the baby to come. He's officially one day late now, but, I've always thought that whole "due date" thing was a scam. But my sister explained, yesterday on her due date, that for nine months you tell people that the baby's due on February 23rd, and you want to have the baby on February 23rd, dammit. I think I added the dammit. I'm developing a theory that these folk remedies for starting labor are completely worthless (I'm talking to you, the The Salad.)

In an effort to destract ourselves from other matters, we've been watching a couple of nominated movies - Venus, for which Peter O'Toole was nominated for Best Actor, and Jesus Camp, which is nominated for Best Documentary (give me a break, Al Gore's got that totally wrapped up.) Venus was beautifully made and has a tight story-line about a slightly lecherous elderly actor who becomes enamoured with a sort of gritty young woman with no goals (outside of "modelling") besides sitting on the couch and eating take-out. (Make that "take-away" - it's British.) O'Toole's character is fearless and cheerful, even when getting rebuffed by the young woman, he seems happy enough to be near a girl in a mini-skirt. It's a thoughtful and beautiful movie - I'd recommend it.

Last night we watched Jesus Camp, a documentary about Evangelical christian children and their indoctrination. Although it made us scream and shout and pause the movie so we could vent and rant, actually, it's not a very good documentary - it just follows a few of these extreme evangelical's around (with little explanation) and offers no commentary or altering points of view. The camp, which teaches a right-wing message of hate, anti-abortion, anti-homosexuality and creationism, did not, as far as the documentary showed, focus at all on the actual Bible, and what was most disturbing with interviews with the children in which they said they were soldiers, or "being trained" and seemed to have absolutely no idea what they were being trained for (except to "train others"!) What really chaps my ass about these extremists is that you don't have to scratch hard to expose the rampant hypocrisy that lies beneath, but those sorts of issues were not explored in the documentary. For example, the movie features Ted Haggard, a former mega-church leader who was accused of drug use and homosexuality and ousted from his church in disgrace. Sure, that happened after the film was released, but take half a look at that guy and you can tell he's hopped up on goofballs.

I find it hard to belief that anyone could watch this movie and not be disturbed by the images of very young children being manipulated like this - flopping around on the ground, crying hysterically and speaking in tongues (not to mention being forced to sit through hour-long sermons by a scatter-brained nincompoop who speaks only in mixed metaphors) but apparently the church's reaction to the documentary was not negative - for them, it's just a good representation of what they're all about. When challenged by a radio host that what they're doing is not "teaching" these young people but rather indoctrinating them, camp leader Becky Fischer was quick to agree that that was correct.

If DeBordian Perruque Picked the Oscars!

Devin is the final guest commentator of this week's Oscar Extravaganza! Long-time movie rate-er and blogger politico, D.'s your man if you wanna talk Russian history. I hope you've all enjoyed this week in If We Picked the Oscars (all six of you!) - Special K
__________

Thanks to Special K for hosting this event, and No thanks to me for seeing my fewest movies in a year since... I don't know... since I moved out of parents' house? So, my selection is pretty limited, having seen just three "good" movies (Little Miss Sunshine, Stranger than Fiction, and Brick) and lots of mediocre and terrible ones. I'll put it this way. Slither, Stick it, and Lady in the Water made my top ten for 2007 so far.

BEST ACTOR
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Brick
No, seriously. Joey Gordy-Levi's stoic turn made this teen film noir work. It couldn't've happened without his performance, which was fairly one-dimensional, but both important and functional. I have to say it was good to see Nathan Fillion's comic-tough guy schtick in Slither, too. But it was perhaps more impressive to see Gordon-Levitt's convincing performance given his long-running in-the-shadow-of-French-Stewart status.

BEST ACTRESS
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Stranger Than Fiction
Okay, her comic timing and acerbic sarcasm was very good. More importantly, this is not just the prettiest she's ever looked, it's the most accessible and understandable character she's ever played. Stranger than Fiction is, if not a beautiful film, certainly an aesthetically pleasing film, and Gyllenhaal's performance matches its changing moods precisely.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Steve Carrell, Little Miss Sunshine
His turn in Little Miss Sunshine as the suicidal Proust scholar deserves mention, even in a great ensemble performance. It's not a set-the-world-on-fire performance, but he owns the pain & humiliation that this character has heaped upon him. Also, his fight with Greg Kinnear's character halfway through the film was just one of the best of the many laugh-out-loud moments in a great movie.


BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Wanda Sykes, My Super Ex-Girlfriend
Sure, Sykes was good in Over the Hedge and Clerks 2, but she raised eyebrows and elicited 90 minutes worth of "Oh, Snap!" "No, she Di'n't!" and "Daaaaaamn" in My Super Ex-Girlfriend. At least to listen to pasty-white red-head-goateed dude next us.

BEST FILM
Stranger than Fiction
If there's one film that expressed exactly how I feel about movie endings, it's this film. I thought that Stranger than Fiction captured a lot about life, art, and story-telling. Also, Little Miss Sunshine is fantastic film, and one that I would recommend to everyone. I have a really hard time not giving it top honors, but StF ekes it out as it is just a little more ambitious.

Bonus badness!

Award for Series Jumping the Couch: Mission Impossible 3
Worst threequel EVAH: X-Men 3, beating out Matrix 3
Worst career downturn of an actress I like: Alyson Hannigan in Date Movie
Worst Socratic fool role: Audrey Tautou's in Da Vinci Code
Worst I'm in ur internetz stealin ur soulz: Pulse
Worst revisiting of a Hero mythology: Superman Returns

If Caitlin Picked the Oscars

Sweetkealoha is one of my best friends and fellow connoisseur of pop culture and all things Reality TV and TV Reality Competition-ry. She's currently performing in the hilarious Rogue 8. -Special K
________

It is with great joy and trembling anticipation that I sit down to write this. Any minute now inspiration will strike and I will regale you with my expertise in the field of all things Oscar. Like, oh, This! Helen Mirren . . . right? Now that is one good looking older lady! Hello! I saw about 17 minutes of the Elizabeth thingie on one of our 18 HBOs -- wait, is she nominated for that, or was that the Golden Globes? Okay, let's skip Helen. How 'bout them Dreamgirls? Beyonce? Eh? Anybody?

Okay! I give! Uncle. Here's the reality of the situation: I have been too busy living* to watch movies. I only saw like 4 movies in the theater this year, and one of them was X Men 3! And speaking of X3, WTF was that? The only thing that would have made that movie worse would have been me having violent, uncontrollable bleeding of the eyes. Thankfully, I left the theater physically intact. A little emotionally bruised, but no worse than when I accidentally watched The View From Clausen's Pier on Lifetime, the channel for women.

But I digress. It's Oscar picks you're wanting, and all the stalling in the world isn't going to change the fact that I am wildly unqualified for this project...or am I? I believe it was some dead white dude who said "All the world's a stage/the men and women grossly overexposed with too much money and time on their hands" or something to that end. With that in mind, I give you: CAITLIN'S OSCAR PICKS 2006!

BEST ACTRESS
As always, this is a very competitive category. 2006 saw Katie Holmes inexplicably have Tom Cruise's baby and then, even more confoundingly MARRY Tom Cruise, and in perhaps the most baffling move of all: befriend Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. What is up with that? Posh?!? She is a horrible bug woman who is just biding her time before mating with all of us and then eating our heads. Now Becks I can see. He is hot, in a football-y** kinda way. Also a contender, our girl Britney Spears who spawned yet again, and then, predictably divorced K-Fed. Good movie, but a little long, and such a Hollywood ending. In the end, I have to give it up for Tyra Banks, our very own Top Model, with her ever-expanding waist line and ego. Will Tyra Banks please step forward? Tyra, your semi-psychotic episodes -- and I do mean episodes of Tyra (her talk show, y'all) -- make you my pick for America's Next caitlin'spickforbestactress.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Baby Suri? Baby Shiloh? Baby Suri? Baby Shiloh? Ummmm....Baby Suri, I guess. Yeah. Either her or Baby Shiloh. One of them.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Remember the time that Mel Gibson got caught drink driving and called the arresting LADY officer Sugar Tits (or something equally yicky) all the while railing against Jewish people? Well, the only reason that he is winning best SUPPORTING actor rather than having top billing, is because he blamed it all on Alcoholism, making him merely a pawn in this THEATER OF LIFE!

BEST ACTOR
Faint of heart, turn away now! What I am about to write is not for the wholesome minded. My pick (prick?) for best actor is Colin Farrell's penis. Anyone who sat through his horrific, gut roiling homemade porno knows what I am talking about.

BEST MOVIE
Oh gosh, there are so many good ones out there. Colin Farrell's horrific, gut roiling homemade porno for one! I guess that my pick has to be those home movies that Anna Nicole Smith made for her website and then allowed you to watch for like, $5 a pop. But only because she died! She's like a modern day whatshisname ummmm . . . Robert Altman. Yep.

My thanks to the Academy, and Special K.

*sitting around in my underpants and watching TV.
**British for soccer-y

If Otis Picked the Oscars

Today's special guest Oscar commentator is Otis - who came up with this whole "If We Picked the Oscars" idea lo those seven years ago. Otis has not seen a single new movie in the theatre this past year - but actually seeing movies has never been a prerequisite for "If We Picked the Oscars!" (TM) -Special K

________

Best Supporting Actor
Vibrations good like Sunkist
Many wanna know who done this
Marky Mark and I'm here to move you
Rhymes will groove you
And I'm here to prove to you
That we can party on the positive side
And pump positive vibes
So come along for the ride
Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation
So feel the vibration

Come on come on
Feel it feel it
Feel the vibration

HONORABLE MENTION:

My girl wants to party all the time
party all the time
party all the time

My girl wants to party all the time
party all the tiiiiiiiiiime
yeah

BEST ACTOR
We're doin' ninety in my mom's new Porsche
And to make this long story short, short
When the cop pulled me over, I was scared as hell
I said, "I don't have a license, but I drive very
well, officer!"

I almost had a heart-attack that day
Come to find out the girl was a 12 year old runaway!
I was arrested, the car was impounded
There was no way for me to avoid being grounded

I can't believe it! I just made a mistake
Well, parents are the same, no matter time nor place
So tell you other kids all across the land
Take it from me, parents just don't understand

If Carrie Picked the Oscars

My first special guest for "If We Picked the Oscars" is my sister, Carrie. She's set, as they say, to pop, and I only hope she can wait until I get to California Tues. evening to have her baby. -Special K
______

Before I forget, let me thank The Academy... oh yeah, they forgot to send me my ballot this year. I do want to thank Special K for including me in this year's panel for "If we picked the Oscars." Considering I'm giving birth any day now, this may be the last year I will have seen so many of the official nominees. While I may have seen many of the nominated films and performances, it was generally a bummer year for me at the box office. Listen Hollywood, if you can't get me- someone who finished her master's program, teaches public school which comes with more than average time off, has a husband who travels a good deal of the year leaving her with her dog and loves to eat popcorn for lunch- out to the box office then you have a lot of explaining to do.

Never-the-less, here are my picks...

Best Actress
On this one, I am going to side with the real Academy and go with Ms. Mirren as The Queen. She gave me what I look for in all great performances- empathy. Kirsten Dunst did the same for Marie Antoinette (but she got to wear those beautiful clothes and eat chocolates during the whole filming- isn't that reward enough?). Both women made you feel for them in their situation and not judge their behavior or at least judge them from their vantage point which in both monarchies seemed rather limited.

Best Actor
I have only seen the performance of one actor in this category, and no one else stands out for me other than these five (again, Hollywood, come on!) so I'm going with Will Smith because I love him and have what my husband calls a jungle fever crush. The actual film, The Pursuit of Happiness was a let down lacking a strong supporting cast with anything to say or do, but it left my Will to shine and make this hormonal mommy-to-be cry cathartic tears more than once while sitting next to my snoozing husband.

Best Supporting Actress
Those girls from Babel are the trophy winners here- Adriana Barraza and Rinko Kikuchi. Although they are technically lead actresses in their own smaller segments of screenplay writer's (what's his name?) tell-tale style of movie narrative, they both knocked me out with their sensitive portrayals of confusion and loss leading to their heartbreak and, as a result, mine.

Best Supporting Actor
Here it has to be Alan Arkin in his warm and fuzzy Grandfather portrayal in Little Miss Sunshine. He made me smile the whole time. What more can I ask for?

Best Picture
This one goes to forgotten and largely unseen Miss Potter. I loved this film! I waited for it, saw it opening weekend and was not disappointed. For me, it gave me everything I want- period costumes (even a little gritty, grimy hair and shiny make-up-free skin in the fashion of Victorians), appropriate accents, literary foundation, love story, tears and a happy ending.

Best Documentary Short

I'd pick this documentary short by teenager Kiri Davis. It's a powerful seven minute film about racial issues faced by young women.

If Special K Picked the Oscars

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine
Arkin's gruff performance in Little Miss Sunshine was offset by the tenderness he showed his young granddaughter (Abigale Breslin, who is nominated for an Oscar herself). Honest, brutal and hilarious, I loved his character "with nazi bullets in [his] ass."

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada
Streep was actually nominated for Best Actress for her role in The Devil Wears Prada, but it was clearly a supporting role. Nevertheless, Streep brought a "leading lady" attitude to the part of this absolutely delish person - a boss that can turn your heart to stone with a withering glance. Streep's performance, an exercise in icy tyranny, is an absolute thrill to watch. By the way, I can't believe The Devil Wears Prada wasn't nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay - they worked miracles transforming one of the worst books ever written into a fun and smart movie.

BEST ACTOR
Will Farrell in Talladega Nights
I truly thought one of the best films of the year was Talladega Nights. Listen, I know from Nascar, those people, they're my people. By which I mean, I cannot escape them. Farrell easily could have relied on the stereotype of the god-fearing, consumer-obsessed, irresponsible, French-hating, red-stater to carry him through the movie. Instead, he (and co-star John C. Reilley) brought a level of commitment to this part that surpasses those too-easy characterizations (I'm looking at you, Eddy Murphy, and you should be ashamed of yourself). The Oscars rarely recognize the talent of comic actors, but the timing and commitment of Farrell cannot be denied (when I choose the Oscars!)

BEST ACTRESS
Kirsten Dunst, Marie Antoinette
With it's mixture of pop music and period dress, Marie Antoinette never claims to be a strict recreation of the 18th century court. Dunst's nuanced performance was a very contemporary approach to presenting the character of a bright, bored, filthy rich monarch, and it was glorious.

DIRECTOR
Martin Campbell for Casino Royale
I hear that the nominated films for the category of Best Director (and, come to mention it, Best Picture) are excellent films - worthy in scope, challenging, and topical - but I didn't watch those films. Gone are the days when K. will run out for any new movie, now careful analysis and market research must be first completed. "Will this movie's themes and images destroy the facade of peacefulness that K. has carefully formed in her fragile psyche?" I ask myself. For example, I have a "No Death Penalty Movies" clause that was enacted several years ago after watching Dancer in the Dark. I could only allow myself to see Marie Antoinette after verifying that she is not, in fact, beheaded in the movie. What I really enjoyed this year was Casino Royale - the latest Bond flick. It was a movie for movie-lovers (and, from what I hear, for Bond-lovers as well); it was topical in that it took advantage of our national interest in Texas Hold-em and it challenged to me to open my eyes to the hotness of British guys, however white and pasty they might be.

BEST MOVIE
Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
If I Chose the Oscars (TM), I would go with Borat for best pic, with Little Miss Sunshine and Thank You for Smoking as close seconds (Aaron Eckhart, thank you for being HOT!) I was laughing - loud - at Talladega Nights and Little Miss Sunshine, but I was crying, holding my side and hugging strangers at Borat. A smart social satire, Borat at once points out the racism, classism and sexism of American society and at the same time lets us off the hook for it (because Borat himself is the worst offender). It's the sort of movie that sounds terrible when you explain it, but watching it is a nearly transcendental experience.

7th Annual "If We Picked the Oscars"!

Wow, I can't believe we're having the 7th Annual "If We Picked the Oscars"! You know, the actual Oscars have only been around for 79 years, so my friends and I are creating a little legacy of our own. I'm going to do an extravaganza week-long celebration of the Oscars, with posts by myself and Special Guests who will, I'm sure, regale you with their astute choices and complete disregard for the actual nominated films. Be sure to check in Monday-Friday and watch the Oscars yourself (in disbelief!) on Feb. 25!

She's Crafty

Lately I've been feeling like making some crafts, so I've been looking around online for ideas and directions. What I really want to make is a hat with kitten ears on - I can only crochet, not knit, so I had trouble finding a pattern, but I think this one might work.

I don't really like the word "crafts" - I grew up in rural Indiana and, to me, "crafts" means wooden hearts and sewing bonnets for a concrete goose in the yard. Once a new friend asked me if I was crafty and I was like How. Dare. You. But I'd be totally cool with "crafts" if they were called crrrrrafts.

Last week my project was to make Valentines for friends - here's one:
And now I feel like doing some more stuff. Like, maybe figure out this felting business Martha's up to. A couple of my friends are just the absolute QUEENS of the second hand shop - perhaps I can arrange another date with them and hook up some old sweaters. Looks like you can make felt and then all KINDS of neat stuff - like mittens and hats and stuffed animals and blankets and pillows. And, OMG, check out what this crrrrafter (Knitgrrl - see?) is doing with felt!

I can't help but notice that everything in the shops is this really cool, updated vintage, deconstructed, ironic, OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive stuff that I want really bad but I'm all *scoff* I can make that myself. So, I'm going to do it, darn it! (darn it! Get it?)^*

Here're some the websites that are inspiring me. Let me know if you know of others!
Craftzine
U Handbag
Whip Up
Posie get's cozy
Craftbits
Instructables
Crochet Pattern Central

^* I am a class-A nerd, I know.

Baby it's cold outside

This morning I trudged to the Art Institute in what appeared to be 3 feet of snow and 20 mph winds. Why, you might ask, haven't they offered me a job yet? Who could be more devoted? No one, that's who. Ah, well. Despite the fact that walking down the street would be greatly improved with snow shoes, and it's cold, and hard to see, I found myself having a great day today - it's the kind of snow that makes you feel like a kid again. This morning M. and I picked out our favorite snowflakes as they landed on my red wool coat - real, perfect, practically unique, gothic snowflakes! What a morning! We saw a neighbor kid walk out of his house and immediately throw himself face-first in the snow!

I felt a sort of camaraderie with my fellow Chicagoans - it's like, "Oh, Baby! THIS is what it's like to live in Chicago!" We were all grimacing and grinning at each other in this gay parade that we call life. I was standing on the corner of Michigan Avenue, sort of back from the curb so I didn't get splashed by a bus or pushed into oncoming traffic by the wind, and I thought, "Wow. All the choices I've made in my life have lead to this moment: me, standing in the miserable cold, up to my knees in snow!" What could I do but laugh?

I think I'm getting sick

Ugh, I think I'm getting sick. Why oh why do I have to spend every winter with a cold? I wonder if that crazy acupuncturist was right and I eat too much dairy. But I'll never turn my back on cheese. NEVER!

This afternoon I watched The Architect with Anthony LaPaglia, Isabella Rossellini, Hayden Panettiere (AKA: "The" Cheerleader). See? It's all coming together - did you see Rossellini on 30 Rock (my new fave show)? She's hysterical. That show is high-larious, why did I avoid it for so long? Last night they mentioned Otto Dix... and just a week ago I was saying television's a cultural wasteland. I've had a crush on LaPaglia since back in the DAY. I'm talking Betsy's Wedding. "Meatballs don't go between bread... it's undignified." Come ON! That's like one of the funniest lines of all time. ANYwho, The Architect was pretty good - takes place in Chicago and peripherally has to do public housing. It was good, I'd recommend it.

So...

I'm not a maniac about proper grammar, but I've got a couple of pet peeves. I don't like ending a sentence in a preposition, I do consider people who don't know when to use your or you're complete and utter idiots, and I can't STAND it when people say "So" at the end of a sentence. Lately I'm seeing it crop up a lot on television, as if it passes as actual, acceptable dialogue! I can understand it on reality tv - like, for example, tonight this woman on Beauty and the Geek said, "I'll NEVER milk a cow again. It's disgusting, AND I don't even drink milk. So." I guess it's only a matter of time until they ask a bunch of bikini models to milk a cow. But last night I counted four instances of sentences ending in "So" on the Gilmore Girls! The Gilmore Girls! A model of snappy, smart, quick and clever dialogue!

The most insidious aspect of this So-business is that it implies "Insert carefully reasoned thought here" while sparing the speaker of actually carefully reasoning. I like ending sentences in Arg! ARG!

This would be cool if

This would be really cool if Tyra actually stood behind her convictions - but even this short clip betrays the hypocrisy that rules everything that comes out of her mouth. She seems to be saying, in the longer clip, that the famous "fat" photo has been manipulated by the tabs - if it has (and that seems likely) - why not call it out? But at the same time that Tyra is desperately trying to show us that she's not "fat" (and, in fact, going on the Larry King show and People magazine to further declare how not "fat" she is), she's slinging around her typical double-speak about self-acceptance. It's like she's saying, It's ok to look like this, BUT I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THIS! And to prove it, I'M STANDING HERE IN A BATHING SUIT! Obviously, she's nowhere near fat, she didn't need to drag out her suit in February to tell us that. She's 5' 10" and says her weight fluctuates between 145-160 lbs. That's perfectly healthy for a woman of her height.

What would be amazing would be if Tyra actually stood behind the convictions that she seems pretty close to espousing here, but, instead, she perpetuates the very culture of unhealthy weights in women that she claims to despise. What would be awesome would be if she actually took real steps promote so-called plus-sized women on America's Next Top Model (so far the women that were considered plus-size on that show were about size 10 or 12) instead of booting them off the show one after another for "lack of personality". What would be so great, would be if Tyra came out explained that tabloids exist because people support them and if people stopped reading them they'd go away and then, people actually did it.

Superbowl Recap

Well, my Indiana friends and family are pretty pleased with the outcome of the Superbowl last night. Here's an email I got from my dad:

K, How about that game? Hope your crowd was great and had a good time! Did any of them write a poem for the Colts victory? Would you do me a favor please and get me a Chicago newspaper on monday, I would appreciate it very much! I think L. got pretty wet...but i don't think he cared. Gotta go to bed......Love Dad (Colts championship parade and rally tomorrow!)

I did not write a poem for the win, but I did write one more rhythm for our party:

We are the R__s and we like to eat
Our favorite foods are cheese and meat!
If you’re a vegetarian, that’s ok too,
We’ll cook up some rabbit food for you!
Go Colts! Go Bears! We hope you BRING IT!
As for who wins, who gives a darn?

My friend G. did a better job at explaining the whole like, point of football than any I'd previously heard, although there was a lot of Ho Ho Ho-ing from a certain husband who suddenly knows all about football. Her, I think, rather apt explanation of ... I forget what it's called, but how, like, if the team is on the fourth of its fourth tries, and they get scared they're not going to make it to their "down," then they can kick the ball as far as they can - makes sense. "Live-ball fouls not penalized as dead-ball fouls when the ball is loose shall be penalized from the basic or previous spot" does not make sense.

Which reminds me - this is hilarious:
A football Halftime pep talk given by someone who knows nothing about football - Namely, Me

A few days ago I posted a picture of the Art Institute's lions with their special headgear - here's my interpretation of Chicago-at-large today:
Mike ran to the store before our party and I asked him to pick up some decorations. He came back with these Bears tissues, which came in handy.

¿Qué es esto?

M.'s been dying to see Pan's Labyrinth ever since he noticed it got a 100% cream of the crop on Rotten Tomatoes. We finally went to see it last night - and as we were having dinner beforehand, M. was getting kind of nervous that it would sell out. I was all, "Relax. It's not going to sell out. For one thing, it's been out for a long time. And it's an indie film. And for another thing, it's foreign."

And he said, "It's foreign?"

Ah, that takes me back.

Although Pan's Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno) is really beautiful and imaginative, it's gory and disturbing, and I got grossed out and disturbed. If I never see another person get shot in the face, it'll be too soon.

I also watched an old movie called San Francisco (1936) with Clark Gable and a younger Spencer Tracy. It mostly sucked, aside from the ending where (I hope I don't ruin it for you!) there's this big, you know, earth quake. After the earth quake, it gets oppressively religious. The whole town walks around arm in arm singing "The Battle Hymn of the Republic". It's surreal.

Throughout the movie, Jeanette MacDonald sings this song "San Francisco" about 20 times. That song's lyrics made me sentimental about my old town, and I imagined myself returning in my old age and singing it, like the cheeseball I am.

San Francisco, open your golden gate
You let no stranger wait outside your door.
San Francisco, here is your wanderin' one
Saying "I'll wander no more."
Other places only make me love you best,
Tell me you're the heart of all the golden west.
San Francisco, welcome me home again;
I'm coming home to go roaming no more!

Where Sports and Arts Meet

The Art Institute got into the Superbowl Spirit by putting these Cubs hats on the famous lions.^*

M. and I are having a party on Sun. - we usually have one every year - I suspect that this year people might actually watch the game. The Evite displays the creativity of
our friends - everyone's written a little rhythm! Here are some:

My name is K. and I ain't no foo
I'd like to watch the superbowl with you.
I don't like football, it seems to plod -
I prefer books and AWAD.
With my mouth full of cheetos, my voice is muffled,
so just watch as I do the Superbowl Shuffle.

This is the M_ster, I'm a lover not a fighter.
I love our cat Kaya though she's a scratcher and a biter.
I don't like to dance, I have two left feet.
My best moves are online where I'm totally 733T.
When I go to In 'n' Out I get a double double.
But at this party I'll be doing the Cheeto Shovel.

My name is G., I suck at rhymin',
I'm always late so I'm no good at timin'.
But I can mix and I can beat,
and make a tasty dish of cheese and meat.
So much stuff I'll drink and eat,
I won't be able to leave my seat.
Though I'm stuck on the couch, my cheers you can't muffle,
I'm too full to do the Superbowl Shuffle

You're lookin' at the Chunk, My gut is ample.
I exist to be the "fat kid" example.
I've got no girlfriend, I'm no "hunk,"
but you'd best believe that "Sloth love Chunk."
I can dance, you will see, but only 'cause it's forced on me.
The Goonies always get into trouble.
To get into your house, I'll do the Truffle Shuffle.

My name is D., and I'm not so clever.
Colts-Bears is fun that will repeat, never.
I wanna shout, go Bears go Colts,
but all that comes out is just GO BOLTS!
Rooting for both teams is a right kerfuffle,
so watch me rock and shake doing the Thorazine Shuffle.

They call me O., I like to dance.
Sometimes I have a dream where I'm not wearing any pants.
Can't wait to go to R.s' to see the Super Bowl,
and bring something I call "Hecky's Casserole."
We didn't come here to eat no Ruffles (TM),
we just came here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

I've got the best friends ev-ah!


^*The bronze lions were made for the Art Institutes's opening on Michigan Avenue in 1893. They were sculpted by Edward Kemeys a gift from Mrs. Henry Field (yes, the Fields of the Field Museum. Note: I tried to find the poor woman's actual name, but couldn't). BTW, the Art Inst. is FREE during the month of February! GO!

Oh, you think you're smart?

This morning I happened upon this Intelligence Test - it turns out I am merely "intellegent." I got 16. 19 is "genius." It goes like this - it says, 24 H in a D, and then you write 24 Hours in a Day.

If anyone knows what the H 11 P in a F (S) T or 23 P of C in the H B means, please tell me.

We Smoke as We Flip the Bird

This is hilarious. As a promotion for Aqua Teen Hunger Force - a great cartoon on Adult Swim - lighted boards had been put up around major cities in the US, and for some reason in Boston, they were thought to be bombs and they ended up closing several bridges and part of the Charles River. As Ignignokt would say, "We do whatever we want whenever we want, at all times."
But seriously, this fear of terrorism is out of control. Curse you, Bush Administration!

Weekend

Over the weekend we went to Indiana to a baby shower I hosted with a friend for my sister and her husband. We hooked up a web cam, since they couldn't travel to the party, and it was really fun. It was like, there was this big party, and my sister was in this one corner of the room - and everyone virtually mingled. Web camming is so fun! I'm so excited that we're going to be able to talk face to face (as it were) from now on! Maybe flying cars are next. (When I was a kid, I thought The Future would be all about video phones and flying cars.)

In other news, M. and I are going through the excruciating process of buying our first (and last?) home! The size of our future mortgage sure puts my student loans in perspective. Here's a short list of things I won't miss about apartments:

• Our insane landlord who feigns Alzheimer's when we remind him again and again what needs fixin', and who, when I called him on our move in day to inform him that A. the front door had come off in my hand and B. there was no seat on the toilet, told me to never call him about "little things."
  
• That persistent HAMMERING in the basement. WILL YOU BE QUIET!?!?
  
• Doing laundry in a creepy basement with an untended sewer problem (see List Item #1) - exiting building in snow/rain/freezing cold, reentering (poopy) basement, discovering neighbor has used all my fabric softener...
  
• White walls. I am SO SICK of white apartment walls.
  

But, perhaps I am counting my chickens before they hatch...

So Amusing!

A few amusing online divertissements for your diversion:


Handsome Donkey - well made, hilarious video shorts. My favorites: Le Montage and Photograph.

28%? That much?

I've been complaining about how there's never anything good on television, but lately I've been thinking to myself, (Self) When HAS there been a glut of fantastic shows on tv? When, exactly, was this golden age of television? And, naturally, I came to the conclusion that there actually are a ton of terrific shows on right now, but there's just a ridiculously disproportionate number of absolutely abysmal shows on too. Last night, for example, I had the choice of watching Veronica Mars, or a president with a 28% approval rate (who are these people, anyway?) give the State of the Union. I watched GW lie and point fingers and predict doom for 6 years now, so last night I was ready for some of that good tv I'm interested in. Just imagine, instead of watching Logan come to the realisation that getting a bj from a skanky ho in the parking lot just doesn't compare to the emotional connection he had with Veronica, I could have been suffering through GW's complicated, worthless plan to provide health care to only 5 million of the 47 million Americans that don't have any HEALTH CARE.

Is Hillary's invitation to "chat" better or worse than Fear Factor, Bad Girls, and American Idol? I'd say it was about on par with the originality and spontaneity of this. I don't get it - I know H. Clinton is a strong woman with liberal views, but she's so worried about projecting an image and matching her goddamn pink sweater and pearls for the State of the Union and carefully crafting an answer to "What is your favorite movie?" when she (like all Dems) needs to get the damn lead out. I'm telling you, last night should have been a riot! They should have booed Bush off the stage and thrown tomatoes at him for what he's done to this country.

Blogging for Choice

Yesterday was Blog for Choice day - I've been catching up on some of the writings from various feminist sites. I think my friend D. said it best, "I am for Choice because I believe women are human beings. As such, they deserve to have the ability to make their own decisions." It steams me that women's rights aren't protected in this country. I myself have been given the run-around just trying to pick up my birth control at the pharmacy (not to mention the times in my life I could barely afford it because it wasn't covered by my insurance). Attempts to over-rule Roe v. Wade are just indicative of this country's (and an unfortunate number of its populace's) refusal to see women as full human beings.

Apparently Bush declared yesterday "National Sanctity of Human Life Day" and has pulled that shit every Jan. 22nd since he's been in office. This former soldier has put together a photo essay with text from the White House's message to show just how much this administration has respected the sanctity of human life. Beware the faint of heart, the content is graphic.

You know we're just struttin' for fun

Late last week, I became peripherally aware of several football games, the importance of which was impressed upon me by my brother-in-law's blog and this crazy lady at the Post Office.

M. and I were in a store while the Bears were playing today, and I said, "Who's winning?" And this guy says, "The Bears are!" and I say, "Did the Colts play yet?" and he says, "No, this afternoon. You a Colt's fan?" I wasn't quite clear on the correct answer to that question so I said, "We're from Indiana." This was taken as a "yes." We were smiled at, nodded at. The cashier said, "I'm a Colts fan." Ditto for the guy. Also for the woman who's always standing next to the cashier of this place. "I guess it would be cool," I say, "If the Colts and the Bears go to the Superbowl." Everyone agreed. There seems to be a lot of interest in keeping the Superbowl Midwestern in these parts.

And so it shall be. We went home and watched the last 10 minutes or so of the Bears game - it was a really miserable day today in Chicago and I felt bad for all those guys running around in the snow, so close to the lake. M. said, "Do you know these guys..." and I said, "Don't to tell me about the economics of football, I just watched Jerry McGuire this week. They have a shelf-life of four years!" We watched most of the Colts game. We usually have a Superbowl party every year (although we usually need someone to tell us what day it is and when it starts) and our friends come over and we eat cheese and meat until we're sick and no one watches the game. Wow, I can't believe I've blogged about sports twice in one month!

Must See TV

Tonight was the much anticipated musical episode of Scrubs. Would it, I wondered, be as good as the Buffy musical episode? Well, no. In traditional musicals, people just randomly burst into song, and it's the rare instance where people sing for a reason. In the Buffy musical, which was, as everyone knows, the single greatest television event in history, everyone sings because this evil demon has possessed the townspeople, and eventually, they sing and dance themselves to death! And, it's really awesome because not only are the songs really terrific and funny, but they also moved the plot of the entire series along.

The reason there's singing on Scrubs is because this woman has a gigantic aneurysm in her brain and her reality's a bit distorted. Like on Buffy, the songs allowed for some character exploration, as in a tango number between Turk and Carla where she complains about how he doesn't know her middle name and that she's Dominican, not Puerto Rican. But the show wasn't really very musical, despite being written by two composers from Avenue Q, and came off like a high school production (I'm not sure that wasn't the intention, actually.) The only person who seemed to have any real vocal talent was Aneurysm Woman (Stephanie D'Abruzzo, also from Avenue Q), and Sam Lloyd (Ted), who occasionally sings as part of a barbershop quartet.

As most television is getting worse and worse, I applaud shows like Scrubs and My Name is Earl for being some of the few scripted shows worth watching. I'm only mildly disappointed, because the truth is Scrubs has always highlighted musical talent, and they've introduced me to more than one artist that I've really loved. Maybe in the future they should leave the singing to the experts, though.

Peace

...I have the personal faith that mankind will somehow rise up to the occasion and give new directions to an age drifting rapidly to its doom. In spite of the tensions and uncertainties of this period something profoundly meaningful is taking place. Old systems of exploitation and oppression are passing away, and out of the womb of a frail world new systems of justice and equality are being born. Doors of opportunity are gradually being opened to those at the bottom of society. The shirtless and barefoot people of the land are developing a new sense of "some-bodiness" and carving a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of despair. "The people who sat in darkness have seen a great light." Here and there an individual or group dares to love, and rises to the majestic heights of moral maturity. So in a real sense this is a great time to be alive. Therefore, I am not yet discouraged about the future.

From Dr. Martin Luther King's 1964 lecture in the Auditorium of the University of Oslo where he received the Nobel Peace Prize.

Lady in the Water

Last night we watched M. Night Shyamalan's Lady in the Water. I hated it, but M. liked it. I found it self-congratulatory and I think the movie takes itself way to seriously, even for a self-proclaimed "fairy tale." I ask you, does any greater nepotist than M. Night exist? Every time there was a close-up of some non-actor staring dumbly, I thought, "Oh, great, that must be his cousin." Also, the dude has got to stop casting himself.

How about this cluttered piece of dialogue? "A boy, in the midwest of this land, will grow up in a home where your book will be on the shelf and spoken of often." (insert your movie will be shown and spoken of often) "He will grow up with these ideas in his head. He will grow into a great orator. He will speak and his words will be heard throughout this land and throughout the world. This boy will become leader of this country and begin a movement of great change. He will speak of you and your words and your book will be the seeds of many of his great thoughts. They will be the seeds of change." So says the (you call her ethereal, I call her) creepy Brice Dallas Howard to M. Night's "character." OMG! Is that a JOKE?

But, most of all, the whole story is just completely implausible because I find it hard to believe that underwater people would ever have bangs. Like a group of advanced sea creatures are going to be like, "Oh, I need to cut my bangs, I'm getting hair in my face." Ridiculous.

Caption Contest

Write your caption in the comment section.

Sports Coverage

Yesterday my dad and brother came up for a basketball game at UIC against "a true Hoosier team" (according to D-van), Butler. Butler is supposedly 13th in the nation, but they lost to UIC last night, in what was probably one of the most boring games I've ever seen until the last 20 seconds, when they finally started hitting baskets, tied up the game and went into a mildly exciting overtime. I wasn't compelled to jump to my feet or anything, but other people did. Basketball has changed a lot since I've been to games, which I used to do in... high school. It was really commercial. Every time there was a time-out, the cheerleaders had to haul out all these advertisements thinly disguised as games for the crowd. Also, they threw t-shirts into the crowd and gave away pizzas. One was apparently meant to scream their head off for these valuable items. Like I'm gonna shout for a piece of Domino's pizza. Side note: the cheerleaders had much better aim with the t-shirts than the basketball players with the ball.

M. and I were slightly conflicted about our loyalties - sure, we're from IN, but we're Chicagoans now. I went ahead and cheered for both teams about equally and claimed to be there "for love of the game" to all detractors (ie: M). I know! it made me laugh to say it, too.

My dad is a big, big celebrity in Martinsville, where he hosts Damon's Coaches Show on WCBK. We discovered that if you just drive up to the parking garage and say, "We're on the list," you don't have to pay. Here's my dad sitting court side:

and here's my best action shot:

Maybe D-van will hire me as a guest commentator on Hoosier Fun Ball?

big warm fuzzy secret heart

My friend A. turned me on to this song Code Monkey by Jonathan Coulton, who, I discovered after further research, wrote a song a week for a year. It's like he looked deep into M's soul and wrote a song about him. Like how he's not crazy, just proud. And refers to code as "elegant." Oh, that cracks me up. You can download the song, and you can watch a bunch of videos made by nerds on YouTube, although, IMO, there's not really any stand-out one, not even the one mashed together with scenes from the Matrix, so don't get excited.

Little House

OMG, so, I'm flipping channels, and I see a rerun of the single most disturbing television show of my youth - this Little House on the Prairie in which Pa, for some reason, is driving his covered wagon next to this other family, and the other pater familias is not a skilled wagonsman like Pa, and their wagon goes careening down this slopping hill and they die! And Pa runs over to their wagon, and you see the other dude's bloody hand hanging out, and Pa lifts up the cloth of the wagon, and then, ugh! He has to look away! Oh, that haunted me - what did their mangled bodies LOOK LIKE? Meanwhile their two adorable children stood by, weeping with their mouths hanging open. One interesting tid-bit: Before they began riding down the hill, Pa says he'll drive his own wagon down, then come walk back up and drive their wagon down. That's kind of rude, right? Then, before the other guy drives his wagon down, he says to his wife, "Let's 'get 'er done'!" Get 'er done!?!? Is Little House on the Prairie the impetus for that?

Capital Punishment Will Not Deter Evil Dictators

I'm really disgusted with the coverage (not to mention the deed) of Saddam's hanging. Isn't it strange that as it turns 2007 it's like we live in the dark ages?

But I am excited about Nancy Pelosi becoming the first woman speaker of the House. The world still has a long way to go before women see real equality, but this is a good step in the right direction. There are only 82 women, or 15.3%, in the 535 seats in the 109th US Congress.

I predict we'll see great things out of Pelosi as speaker - not that it would be hard to top the honor and dignity that the Republicans brought to the White House.

I miss Arrested Development

Happy New Year!

After a lovely Christmas in Los Angeles, we returned home in time for New Years at my friend's "cottage." Had a terrific time eating, drinking champagne, playing games (Celebrity, anyone?), and admiring the view. Here's the last sunlight of 2006:

and here we all are being silly:

2006 was a good and bad year for me - I don't make resolutions, but I've got high hopes for 2007 (1. Gainful employment!) I wish you the best of luck in the upcoming year!